Kitty and the Midnight Hour (Kitty Norville 1)
Page 35
Hello, you’re on The Midnight Hour.”
“I want to know about the orgies.”
“The orgies?”
“Yeah, the vampire orgies. How do I find out where they are? How do I get in on one of them?”
“Hm . . . let’s see. Are you a vampire?”
“Yeah.”
“Then you usually get invited. Are you part of an organized Family, or are you on your own?”
“I have a Family.” He sounded indignant, like how
dare I suggest he wasn’t sufficiently pedigreed.
“Not all Families have orgies. I mean—what kind of orgy are you looking for?”
“You know . . . orgies. An orgy orgy.” I could almost see the vague hand gestures accompanying his speech. The alarm bells started going off—that little twitching in my mind when I suspected I was being had.
I said, “Orgy, orgy. Right. How long have you been a vampire?”
“Uh . . . not too long.”
“No, really. How long specifically? Because you realize that ‘not long’ has an entirely different scope to some vampires. If you’ve been around since the Roman Empire, ‘not long’ might be a couple of centuries, you know? How long is ‘not long’?”
“Um . . . a year?” He was fishing for the right answer, the one that would get him on my good side.
“Okay, what’s your name . . . Dave. Right. You’re not a vampire.”
“But—”
“You know why you’re not? Because vampires don’t have orgy orgies. You’re looking for lots of hot sex with nubile vampire babes, and you’re thinking a vampire orgy is the place to get it because you’ve heard all these stories. Right?”
“But . . . but . . . I mean . . .”
“But you know what? Sex is different for vampires. When a vampire says sex and a normal human says sex, they’re talking about two different things. Because vampires don’t have sex without sucking blood. Sex is almost synonymous with feeding for them. Are you getting this, Dave? If you feel like being the main course, by all means, go find yourself a vampire orgy, because I can tell you exactly what those nubile vampire babes are going to do to you.”
“But . . . I mean . . . the stories . . . I’ve heard . . .”
Gullible and inarticulate. Gotta love it. “Next caller, you’re on the air. Bruce?”
“Um, hi, yeah. I wanted to know, could I get the phone number for that assassin who was on the show last month?”
“You mean Cormac? You want Cormac’s phone number?” I couldn’t keep the tone of annoyance out of my voice. “The same Cormac who tried to kill me?”
“Yeah.”
“May I ask why you want Cormac’s phone number?”
“Well, you know. I kind of wanted to ask if he needs an assistant, or an apprentice or something.”
“So, Bruce, you want to be a werewolf hunter?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s a dangerous line of work. You ever see a werewolf in action?”