The Problem with Forever

Ainsley shuddered. “It’s so horrible.”

The burn in my throat didn’t decrease, but the tears building in the backs of my eyes didn’t fall. They never did. No matter. My tear ducts were defective.

I was defective.

“Poor Jayden.” She folded her arms around herself. “Poor Hector. God, I can’t even imagine what that’s like. I don’t want to. Do you know when the funeral is? Or is it too soon?”

“Too soon, I guess,” I said, tucking a stray hair back from my face. “I didn’t ask Hector when I saw him. I’m sure I’ll find out. I’ll let you know.”

Neither of us spoke for a long moment and then Ainsley sighed. “Okay. Now this whole Rider thing.”

The pressure in my chest clamped down like vise grips.

“I don’t even know what to say about that.” She shook her head. “I mean, it could be completely harmless.”

I raised my brows.

Ainsley winced. “Hey, let’s look at this logically for a moment. They had their clothes on, right?”

Oh, God. Immediately an image of Paige and Rider naked formed and I wanted to vomit. “Yes, they had their clothes on.”

“Now, that doesn’t really mean anything. When Todd and I had sex we didn’t get completely naked and all it could’ve meant was that they put their clothes back on afterward.”

I thought about what Rider and I had done yesterday while our clothing had remained on. Mostly. Wait. I refocused on what Ainsley was saying. “You think they had sex?”

“What? No. I mean, that’s like the worst-case scenario. That in his grief and whatever, he hooked up with her.” She stared at me. “Isn’t that where your mind was going with this?”

“I...” Truth was, I didn’t know what I was thinking. But I didn’t believe they’d have sex after what Rider had told me the day before. My shoulders caved in. “I saw them and I just freaked. I don’t know.” I squeezed the pillow. “I just... I defended him to Rosa and Carl. Left the house to go to him—to be there for him, and he didn’t even need me. He had—” My breath caught. “He had Paige, and he didn’t answer the phone when I called or texted. He was with

Paige, Ainsley, and yesterday we...we went pretty far and I—” Pressing my lips together, I cut myself off.

“What?” she asked softly.

I didn’t want to say, because it made the hurting in my chest so much worse and it scared me so badly. Terrified me, because I knew what I was feeling was a big deal and acknowledging it made it true.

“You love him, don’t you?” she said.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I forced a shallow breath. Yesterday the mere idea of falling in love, being in love, was as terrifying as it was exhilarating. Now it was just one of those things.

“Yes. I think I am.” I opened my eyes and met Ainsley’s stare. “No. I don’t think I am. I know I am. I’m in love with him. I think I’ve been in love with him my entire life. And I love the grown Rider even more than I loved the boy when we were younger.” My heart rate kicked up. “And that’s scary.”

“Damn straight it is,” she agreed, one side of her lips curling up. “It’s why I’m totes okay with whatever happens with Todd. I don’t love him. I don’t even know what that feels like, but I know it has to be scary.”

I studied her for a moment and the knot expanded. “I thought Rider felt the same.”

“Let’s not freak out too much. Okay? We don’t know what was going on there. They were asleep on the couch, not cuddled up—”

“She was pressed against him.” Saying that made me feel sick, but I had to get it out of me and into the air between us. “He wasn’t holding her or anything, but there was no space between them. None.”

“That still doesn’t mean anything.”

My brows rose.

“All right, he’s going to have to have one hell of an excuse for it, but we really don’t know what was going on there. Paige is a friend of his and Hector’s, right? She knew Hector’s brother?”

I nodded.

“It could be harmless.”