The Problem with Forever

“No,” I admitted quietly. “I don’t want to do that.”

Rosa closed her eyes briefly and then nodded. “Okay.”

“Is it...is it really okay?” I asked, bringing up my other knee and circling my arms around both. “I know that’s not what you want to hear.”

“I’ve always been honest with you, Mallory, and I’ll be honest now. It’s not what I want to hear. A career in research will leave you set for the future, but it’s your future.” She exhaled roughly. “And the most important thing is that you’re happy. Carl feels the same way.”

I sort of doubted that.

She picked up her cup. “You’ve really been considering social work?”

Seeds of excitement rooted deep inside me. “Yes.”

“Because it means something to you?”

I nodded.

“It makes sense.” She lifted the cup to her lips. “With your past, it makes sense that you’d be passionate about making a difference, and I’m proud that you want to do that. It’s not going to be easy for you.”

The excitement rose swiftly even though Rosa was right. Pursuing a career in social work wouldn’t be easy for me. I knew I would work cases that would be painfully similar to mine. I knew it would be a job I’d take home with me at the end of the day, but it would be a job I cared about.

“We’ll support you, Mallory. I just want you to know that. Whether it be med school or social work or flying to the moon, we will support you.”

A bit of weight lifted from my chest. “Thank you.”

Rosa was quiet for a moment. “This situation with Rider—”

“I love him,” I blurted out. Her gaze sharpened, but once I spoke the words aloud, I didn’t want to take them back. “I love him. I’m not going to stop seeing him.”

“Honey, I...” She leaned over, placing her hand on my bent knee. “I know you think you’re in love, but you two have this past where it was just you and him against the world. I can understand why you might think you feel that way, after all that you two have shared.”

What she said didn’t sound crazy at all. Part of me could even understand it. “How do you know when you’re really in love with someone?”

Rosa opened her mouth, but she didn’t speak as she pulled her hand away.

“How did you know you were truly in love with Carl? How does anyone really know?” I shook my head. “I don’t think you can...but I know how I feel right now. Maybe that’ll change. I don’t know, but don’t—” I squared my shoulders. “Don’t tell me that I don’t know what I’m feeling or what to feel.”

She sat up straight.

“Because I know that I feel strongly about him. I know that it is love. He...he accepts me, always has, but he doesn’t expect me to stay the same, and when I fail at something in front of him, he doesn’t make me feel bad about it,” I said, trying to put words to how I felt. “He makes me feel good about myself, about him.”

Rosa’s eyes had widened as I spoke. “Okay,” she said after a moment. “I won’t tell you how you feel.”

I was on a roll now, not stopping anytime soon. “I know he would do anything to make sure I was happy and safe, and trust me, he hates that I saw what happened on Saturday. Carl doesn’t have to blame him for that. He already blames himself, but it wasn’t his fault, and

I hate—absolutely hate that what happened to Jayden has somehow become something about Rider and me. That’s not right. That’s overshadowing what happened to Jayden and that’s wrong.”

Her brows rose.

And I wasn’t done yet. “I know you guys don’t really trust Rider and you don’t think he has a future, but what you don’t know is that he’s trying. He really is, and even if he decides he doesn’t want to go to college, that doesn’t make him less of a good person. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve your respect. He’s brilliant and he’s so freaking talented. The last thing he needs is yet another person not believing he’s worth the effort.”

She looked away as she pressed her lips together. “I don’t think he’s not worth the effort, Mallory. I just...don’t know what to think.”

My heart was pounding in my chest, a staccato of beats. “I just want you guys to really try—to try to see what I see in him.”

Rosa smiled faintly. “We just want what’s best for you and sometimes in wanting that, we mess up.” Reaching over once more, she placed her hand on mine and squeezed. “We can try, honey. We will.”

I closed my eyes. “Thank you.”