She nodded, hating how unsure of herself she was feeling. This wasn’t normal for her. No matter how insecure she felt on the inside, Ava had always been able to project nothing but confidence. Aine had asked her about it so many times when they were growing up. How she did it, and also, why Aine hadn’t gotten that particular personality trait?
Ava couldn’t say. All she knew was that, right now, she didn’t have it either. When she was with Tabon, she questioned herself in a way she never had before.
It was probably a good thing she’d told him she wouldn’t be able to have sex with him. The anxiety she would’ve felt about whether she was good enough for him or not, would have ruined it for her anyway.
“What about Aine?” she asked.
“It would be better if she wasn’t aware of the situation.”
“Which means I have to lie to her.” Ava sighed heavily. Maybe there was a part of her that was beginning to understand how hard it would be for some
one in Tabon’s position to be completely honest.
He stopped walking, so she did too.
“There isn’t anything about this that’s easy, Ava. I wish there was a way for you to talk to Quinn, because she could give you some insight like only a person who has been in your position would be able to. It was much harder for Quinn’s mother.”
“Lena?”
Tabon nodded. “She never had a normal life, not since she was younger than you are now.”
“How did she die?”
She watched as Tabon closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I can’t tell you that, Ava.”
“I understand.”
He walked a few feet farther and stopped again. “This is me,” he said pointing to a dark gray Porsche Cayenne. The liftgate opened, and he put her bag in the back, and then opened the passenger door for her.
They were a few minutes into the drive when a call came through from Doc. She knew because his name appeared on the screen built into the dash. Tabon didn’t answer.
“It’s not the kind of conversation I want to have while I’m driving,” he offered by way of explanation.
“Are there things you’re afraid he’ll say that you don’t want me to hear?”
“Yes.”
“Is this hard for you?”
Tabon laughed out loud. “You have no idea. Mainly, I don’t want you to hear his reaction when I tell him everything I’ve told you. As I said before, he was against me taking this assignment.”
Hearing that for the second time hurt worse than the first. “Am I really that bad?”
Tabon reached over and took her hand in his. “The opposite, actually. He knows that I have feelings for you, Ava. The other thing he objected to was my initiating a relationship with you as a way to be close enough to protect you. That bothered him a lot more.”
“So, how does this work?”
“I’m glad you asked, because we need to set some ground rules.”
She didn’t like the direction this conversation was headed. Rules had never been her strongest suit. She’d spent far too much time in the headmistress’ office because rules, as far as Ava was concerned, were meant to be broken.
She looked over at Tabon, who was grinning.
“Do you think this is funny?” she asked.
“Not at all. You just let me know in about the clearest way possible what you think of rules.”
“I did?”