He cupped her cheek with his palm. “I…want to protect you, Malin.”
“Why would you think I wouldn’t believe that, Dutch? You’ve said it often enough.”
Malin smiled and looked into his eyes, wondering what he’d really meant to say but couldn’t bring himself to. If it was that he loved her, he was right; she wouldn’t have believed him.
She would’ve told him he was confusing the need to protect her combined with a healthy dose of lust, and maybe even a little regret, with love. He couldn’t love her. If he did, he never would’ve left her without giving it a second thought. She may have forgiven him, but that didn’t mean she’d ever risk allowing herself to think Dutch could feel that way about her. She’d done that once and realizing how wrong she’d been, had nearly destroyed her.
Only having this mission to dive into gave her something else to think about than how Dutch Miller had ripped her heart from her chest and stomped all over it.
Throwing herself into her work had allowed her to get over him. Or so she’d thought. In the few days they’d been together, she’d found herself slipping too many times. She shook her head at her own stupidity.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Malin, I—”
“I’m sorry to cut our walk short, but I need to prepare for my meeting with Ghafor.” Malin dropped his hand and walked back in the direction they’d come, praying Dutch wouldn’t follow.
She wasn’t lying; she did need to prepare. She had to get her mind off the man who’d shared her bed the last few nights, and back on the man who might give her enough information to keep her alive.
—:—
He’d come so close to telling Malin he loved her, but even to him, the words rang hollow. He did, though, didn’t he? Knowing he wanted to be with her from now until the end of time—wasn’t that love? Not being able to imagine a day without waking up beside her, hearing the voice that spoke directly to his heart—that had to be love, didn’t it?
When Alegria said that she only wanted him to be happy, he’d told her that Malin made him feel that way with every breath she took. He hadn’t been exaggerating. The words he spoke weren’t rehearsed; he had no idea he would say them until he heard them himself.
He turned and watched Malin walk away, wishing he could bring himself to say the words he never believed he’d say to anyone in the way he meant them when he thought about her.
He loved Alegria. He always would, but the way he felt about Malin was so different, so much stronger, more like his life depended on it than what he’d ever felt for the woman he now knew was only ever meant to be his friend.
Last night Malin had asked how he would’ve responded if she’d asked him to make a commitment to her while he was in the middle of an op. His response had been knee-jerkingly condescending, but now he knew she was right to get angry. He’d been trying so hard to make sure that she didn’t leave him once this was over, he’d lost all sight of how focused she needed to stay until it was.
In a matter of hours, they would know if they had enough to bring down Montgomery and whoever else was involved. If they didn’t, Malin would have a target on her back that she might never be able to shake.
Had he considered how terrifying that would be to her? How could she possibly think about a future with him when her own was so uncertain?
What she didn’t know was that no matter what happened—if the agency burned her or worse—he’d protect her until his very last breath, as would his K19 partners.
There was time enough for them to talk about what protection she’d need after her meeting with Ghafor. Then they’d know exactly what they were dealing with and could plan the next stage.
He’d started walking back to the house, but stopped and gripped the back on his neck. They wouldn’
t be planning the next stage of the mission—she would be.
* * *
“How are you holding up?” asked Onyx, riding up next to Dutch.
“Terrible. How was your ride?” he asked, looking up at the horse his friend was on. “What the hell is that, a draft horse?”
“Yeah,” Onyx chuckled. “Ol’ Huck belongs to Naughton. He thought I might like to take him out when he saw the ride Alex’s brothers brought for me.”
Dutch laughed too. Montano “Onyx” Yáñez had to weigh in at three-hundred pounds at least, all of which was solid muscle. A lesser horse might collapse under him.
Onyx dismounted and walked alongside him. “What’s the plan for today?”
“Malin will be meeting Ghafor out here,” he answered, making a sweeping motion with his arm.