“Let’s sleep.”
“You’re angry.”
“Not at all. You were honest with me, and that is another rule I insisted on between us.”
“But you don’t want to have sex?”
“There are so many things we need to talk through, figure out, decide about. I don’t want to confuse the issues with sex. That’s different than not wanting to.”
23
Sloane
While I’d never admit it now, I knew Tackle was right. We’d gone from pseudo-friends to lovers with little communication between us. Perhaps if we’d talked more things through, I wouldn’t have spent the last three months in turmoil over what to do about the baby. Instead of having my brother with me for my doctor’s appointments, the father could have been there. The idea that I’d denied him that opportunity made me sad.
The first time I heard the baby’s heartbeat, I cried. When I saw his or her shape on the screen as the tech pressed the cold, hard ultrasound wand against my abdomen, I cried too. In fact, I’d cried more in the last three months than I had at any other time of my life, except for maybe when I was an infant.
Knox had comforted me, of course, but even then, I regretted Tackle not being with me.
I cupped his cheek like he’d done so many times with me. “I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
“I’ll tell you tomorrow.”
Tackle laughed and pulled me closer to him, if that was possible. If only we could be like this all the time, it would be heaven for me. I’d loved him for so long, never believing there was a chance he’d ever love me.
I still doubted it was possible. I even questioned whether he really, truly wanted our baby. How did someone go from “no way in hell do I want one at this point in my life” to “promise me you’ll never keep me away” in the span of a couple of hours?
Based on my own experience, he’d change his mind daily, if not more often, about how he felt about being a parent.
There were times I thought it was the greatest blessing I could’ve been given. Others, I wondered what in the world I thought I was doing. Now that Tackle knew, maybe I could tell my mom like he’d told his. Being able to talk to her, and to my dad, about it, would be such a relief. Knox, ho
wever, was an entirely different matter.
He’d been so patient with me, putting me first above all else, being there whenever I needed him. How could he not feel betrayed by the fact that I hadn’t told him the father was his own best friend?
“You’re not sleeping,” he murmured.
“Neither are you.”
“There’s an appendage between my legs that is in complete disagreement about sleep being necessary.”
“There’s something between my legs that agrees with your appendage.”
“If we make them both happy, maybe they’ll let us sleep.”
I wanted him so much that if I were standing, I’d hurl my body at his.
When I felt Tackle’s fingers between my legs, all thought stopped. I only allowed myself to feel. I’d craved this.
“Sloane?” he whispered.
I looked into his eyes.
“I don’t want to use a condom, but I have to know you’re okay with that.”
“I trust you, Tackle.”