What if Ben needed her to be someone she couldn’t be, and she failed him? What would happen then, would he start drinking again? Would he blame her?
He knew her story?she lived with her parents most of her life, except when she and Scott were married. And when her parents passed away, Liv inherited everything. Everything had been handed to her. She never had to worry about working or providing for her daughter.
Ben also knew that when Scott told her to let go of her dream of being a barrel racer, and she had, for him.
Did he expect her to do the same thing for him as she did for Scott—give up her life for his? She couldn’t. If she did, she’d never know who she was. Ultimately she’d resent him, and when she didn’t live up to his expectations, he’d resent her too.
She’d questioned this thing between them so many times, but none more than she did now.
How did Ben see them continuing? He was going on tour with his band. She felt tension spread from her shoulders throughout the rest of her body. Ben was going to ask her to go with him. She could feel it, and she wouldn’t do it. She couldn’t.
She was at a crossroads, and she saw her history repeating. She’d given up her life once for love. She couldn’t do it again.
Ben had opened her eyes to new possibilities, not just the possibility of having love in her life again, but so much more.
Ben knew the moment, the very instant, Liv disconnected from him. Her head remained next to his heart, but his heart hurt worse than he ever imagined.
“We can’t get beyond this can we?” he ventured.
“It isn’t that, Ben.”
“What is it then?”
“I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to be completely honest with me.”
He sat up straighter. “Go ahead.”
Liv looked into his eyes so deeply, it was as though she was about to crawl inside of him.
“Close your eyes.”
He smiled, and did.
“Tell me what you see when you think about us.”
Ben’s smile grew.
“Not that. What else do you see? Think about our future.”
He thought hard about what she was asking of him, and knew the point she was trying to make. He saw her with him. With him. Logically he knew it would be wrong to ask it of her, but when he closed his eyes and imagined their future, she was with him, on tour with the band.
As hard as it was for him to admit, she’d asked him to be honest with her. He opened his eyes.
“I get it, Liv.”
“I can’t do it, Ben. Not again. I’ve lost myself too many times.”
“Where does that leave us? You go to Euro
pe, I go out on tour, and maybe we’ll see each other again someday?”
“No, Ben. I’m not going to Europe.”
14
Once she got home from Crested Butte, Liv knew exactly who to talk to. She saddled up Micah and took off at a breakneck pace. When she got to the Pattersons she prayed Dottie was home. She needed to talk to her now. Right now.
“Hey-o,” she shouted out when she walked in the back door.