For years she’d been Billy Patterson’s doormat. She’d spent her whole life being everything he needed, whenever he needed it. God, she’d even slept with him.
The hardest thing for her to accept was how completely clueless she’d been…her whole life. Her mother asked who she was and what she’d done with her daughter. When Renie looked in the mirror, she wondered the same thing. Who the hell was she? She’d let Billy define her for so long, she didn’t know who she was without him.
“If you’re leaving school, we might as well clean out your apartment,” her mom said at breakfast the next morning. “When would you like to do that?”
When Renie shrugged
her shoulders, Liv left the table, and walked out of the room.
“What the hell?” she said to Ben who sat across from her.
“She’s getting sick of your shit, Renie.”
Renie glared at him.
“You’ve been treating her as though this is her fault, and she doesn’t deserve it. She has nothing to do with what happened between you and Patterson. She’s been patient with you, more patient than I would’ve been. But now she’s done. She has her own life to live.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means you need to start taking responsibility for your life. You wanna quit school? Fine. We’re not gonna try to talk you out of it. Even if it is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” When she started to speak, Ben held up his hand. “She’s going back out on the road in April, Renie. Have you thought about that? Or are you just thinking about yourself?”
“I’m not going back to school, Ben.”
“Fine. We got it. We heard you. You wanna move on? Have at it. But instead of expecting your mom to just take care of things for you, take responsibility for your own life.”
“What do you expect me to do?”
“Ask. Us. To. Help. You.”
Renie went in search of her mom.
“I’m sorry,” she said when she found her. “Can you and Ben take me to Fort Collins? I’ll pack up the apartment and go see the registrar at school, let them know I won’t be starting the vet program this year.”
“That’s a start.”
“What else, Mom?”
“Your car? Your horse? You have other responsibilities, Renie. You can’t turn your back on them.”
“I can’t…I know you don’t understand, but I can’t.”
“Pooh?”
“I can’t see him, Mom. Please don’t force me to. I’ll do whatever else you and Ben want me to do, except that.”
“Okay, I’ll talk to Ben and we’ll figure something out. I won’t force you to see Billy. But, sweetheart, I’m not going to stop encouraging you to talk to him. You’ve been friends all your life, you can’t just throw a friendship like that away.”
She wasn’t the one who threw everything away, Billy was.
9
Renie hesitated before putting her key in the door of her apartment. Ben stepped up, gently took the key out of her hand, and suggested she and her mom go get coffee while he brought the boxes in from his SUV.
When her mom suggested Renie might do better with a sedative over caffeine, Renie laughed. When was the last time she laughed?
“This will go quick,” her mom said when they came back. “You handle the kitchen.”
The kitchen, the dining room, the living room…there wasn’t a room in her apartment that she didn’t see Billy standing in when she closed her eyes.