The second morning she came armed with books. “You’ll need to read these, so you know what to expect.?
? She gave him books about a baby’s first year, first aid, childhood illnesses, and single parenting.
“I’m so tired, Mama, I don’t know how I’m gonna read a book.”
“Guess you’re startin’ to have a lot more respect for the mothers in this world then aren’t you?”
“God, yes. I don’t know why anyone would have a second baby once they knew what having the first one was like. Is that why I don’t have any brothers or sisters?”
“You were a handful, no doubt about that, but your daddy and I would have done it again, if we could’ve. God had other plans for us, and I never got pregnant again.”
“I’m sorry, Mama, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I’m so exhausted I don’t know what I’m sayin’ half the time.” He rubbed his hands over his face, and his eyes filled with tears.
Dottie put her arms around him and held him tight.
“I don’t know why I’m so emotional. I cry as much as Willow does. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not feeling sorry for myself.”
“You’re tired, you’re overwhelmed…it’s natural for you to be emotional.”
“That isn’t all it is. You know that.”
“You haven’t heard anything from her?”
“Nothing. She won’t answer me.”
“You need to give her time.”
Here he was, a month later and nothing had changed. How much more time did she need?
He called Liv, but she didn’t know what to tell him.
“What are you gonna do with the rest of your life?” Ben asked Renie.
“The rest of my life? First thing in the morning, Ben? I haven’t even had a cup of coffee yet.”
“A couple months is long enough to mope around, don’t ya think?”
Had it really been that long? She knew it was time for her to start thinking about the rest of her life, but whenever she did, she ended up frustrated and in tears.
“I’m sorry, Ben.” Renie walked toward the stairs.
“You go into that bedroom, and I’m taking the door off the hinges.”
“What is your problem this morning?”
“You have to do something with your life, Renie. Figure it out. Quit feeling so fucking sorry for yourself. He has a baby, big damn deal. I had a baby before I was ready for it, too. By accident, by the way. I was less prepared for it than Billy was, if you can imagine that. But I dealt with it.”
“Well I didn’t have a baby. So I don’t need to deal with it.”
“I don’t want to be an asshole, but I will be. Get your shit together, Renie.”
It took her a week, but by the end of it, she had a plan. She’d be here two more weeks, she’d be a full-time employee of Black Mountain Ranch, a dude ranch located on the opposite side of Kebler Pass from Crested Butte. She was hired on for the season, and her job came with room and board provided.
“I’ll be out of your hair by the middle of May,” she told her mom and Ben at dinner.
“What do you mean?” Liv asked.
“I’m moving out. I got a job, and a place to live.”