“Hey, Mama,” he said, getting up to kiss her cheek.
“How’s my beautiful girl?”
Willow reached out her hands and Dottie picked her up.
“Leave her with me and your daddy.”
“You don’t think I should take her?”
“I don’t, and neither does Liv.”
“I wish I understood.”
“Me, too. We all do. No one could’ve predicted this reaction.”
Billy paced back and forth in the kitchen. Pooh tied them together. He knew she’d come and get her horse eventually, or send someone to do it for her. If he did this, and she wouldn’t see him, he’d be cutting that last tie himself.
“You have to prepare yourself, Billy, in case it doesn’t go the way you want it to.”
“I already know how it’s gonna go. She’s gonna refuse to see me.” There he went again, getting choked up. He reached his hands out for Willow, who was all too happy to come see her daddy.
Renie looked at the time on her phone, it was after four in the morning. She used to check her phone all the time to see if Billy sent her a text, but she didn’t anymore. It had been months since there’d been one. It had taken him a while to give up, but he finally had.
She fell asleep not long after she got in bed a couple of hours ago, but then she dreamt about him, and it woke her up.
In this dream they were dancing. She loved to dance with him. When she was a little girl, Billy would twirl her around the dance floor, either by holding her around the waist, or letting her legs swing as he twirled her in circles. Sometimes she’d stand on his feet while he two-stepped her across the floor.
When she got older, he held her close, even before he realized she’d grown up. She remembered the first time it changed between them, at a rodeo in Oklahoma, where her mom was competing in her first barrel race. When Billy asked her to dance, and then took her in his arms, she knew he held her as a woman, not a little girl. It had been one of the best nights of her life.
She rolled over, willing sleep to come, even though she knew it wouldn’t. Instead, she’d toss and turn trying to drive Billy out of her head. She didn’t know why she bothered, it never worked.
Billy was awake, walking the floor with Willow. No matter what he did, he couldn’t get her settled down. He thought about calling his mama, but it was the middle of the night, and he was Willow’s daddy. He needed to figure it out on his own.
He worried she was fussy because she sensed his unease, but she was chewing on his shoulder, which meant she was teething. He hated to give her sugar in the middle of the night, but he had cherry ice-pops in the
freezer. Maybe if he gave her a little bit it would numb her teeth and she’d sleep, and then he could too. He had a long day ahead of him tomorrow, and needed all the sleep he could get.
The next morning Billy loaded Pooh into the trailer. He was almost ready to leave, but wouldn’t until Willow woke up and had breakfast.
There hadn’t been a day since he brought her home that he wasn’t there when she woke up, and he didn’t want today to be the first. He hoped instead it would be tomorrow. That would mean he’d still be in Crested Butte, and if he were, it would mean Renie had agreed to see him. If she didn’t, there’d be no reason for him to stay.
He’d never wanted anything more in his life than he wanted Renie to talk to him again. He didn’t care if she didn’t love him anymore. He’d accept it, although he’d still love her for the rest of his life.
It wasn’t fair for him to ask the same of her, she was still so young. She deserved to have all the fun someone her age should have. She shouldn’t be tied down, taking care of someone else’s baby.
If he knew that’s what she was doing—having fun, dating, staying out too late, laughing…the way he knew she loved to—he’d be happy.
He never meant to break her heart. Never. He was as shocked as anyone to find out his indiscretion had resulted in a baby. He still didn’t know how it had, he’d always been so careful. Now it didn’t matter. Willow was part of his life, the biggest part of it. And he wouldn’t trade her for anything. Not even Renie.
He asked his mother to not tell Liv he was coming. If he had any chance of seeing Renie, his arrival had to be a complete surprise.
14
The drive from Monument to Crested Butte was the longest five hours of his life. He tried to imagine what he’d do if he saw her. And he tried to imagine what he’d do if he didn’t.
What would Liv and Ben do? Would they invite him in, put Renie in the position of having to see him, talk to him, deal with him? He hoped not. If they did, he’d refuse. That wouldn’t be fair to her. She had to decide on her own that she wanted to see him. He wouldn’t force himself on her.
If she refused, he’d get Pooh settled, ask Liv to give her the letter he spent most of the week writing to her, get in his truck, and drive home. The thought of it was enough to bring him to tears.