“You hung up on me.”
“You spent the day with another man.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t wanna do this. I don’t wanna go back and forth with you about who did what. Just tell me what the fuck is goin’ on.”
“I don’t know how to explain it.” Renie got up and paced in front of the fireplace. She stopped and held her hands out, as if to warm them, but then kept her back to Billy when she started to speak.
“I was happier to see him than I expected to be. I expected to have a quick cup of coffee and tell him goodbye.”
“But that didn’t happen.”
“He says there’s something I’m missing with you that I find with him.”
Billy didn’t say anything. She turned around to look at him, and his eyes were closed.
“It isn’t just Willow. There are other things I’m worried about, Billy.”
“What other things?”
“I wish I could explain how I’m feeling. But, I can’t. All I know is that I love you. Anything beyond that…”
“What are you afraid of? That’s what it comes down to. There’s something you’re afraid of.”
She shrugged her shoulders.
“You’re right, ya know. You were feeling this way before I found out about Willow. That night in your apartment, you were afraid of me. It near broke my heart Renie, to think you could ever be afraid of me.”
He stood in front of her, but didn’t touch her. “We should have talked about it then. I should have asked you about it before we made love. I think about it all the time, seeing that look in your eyes. That fear. It almost brings me to tears.”
She looked up at him. There were tears in his eyes. She reached up and touched his face.
“Billy—”
“I love you, Renie. Do you know how much? Can you feel it comin’ off me? Too much to be able to handle thinking that you could ever be afraid of me.”
“I’m not afraid of you.”
“You are. You can’t deny it. You have to face whatever it is you’re afraid of.”
“Not you. Us maybe, but not you. I love you, Billy, I have my whole life. I know you’d never hurt me…”
“No, you don’t, and that’s what you’re afraid of. I’m a risk. A huge risk. Because your heart is in it. This other guy? He’s not a risk. He hasn’t climbed into your heart yet. And I pray he never does.”
Billy turned and looked at the fire. “That’s why I’m here ya know. Not because I’m some jealous asshole. I’m here because I don’t want him to have the chance to mean something to you.”
Renie went back to the couch, but Billy stayed where he was.
“If things were different, if I didn’t have Willow, I could stay and fight for you. But I can’t. I feel as though I’m being pulled between the two most important people in my life. I can’t take care of you or her the way I want to. If I take care of you, I’m not there for her. If I’m there for her, I risk losing you.”
She could see the pain on his face. It ran through his body as he said the words. How could she be the cause of such pain? What was wrong with her? How could she do this to him?
“I don’t know what the answer is, but I do know this. If you’re thinking it’s choosing him over me, I’m here to tell you that isn’t it.”
“Are you sure, Billy? I feel as though I’m asking you to choose. And I know you can’t. I mean you can. You have to choose your daughter.”
“Does it really come down to that? I can’t believe it does. I won’t. You haven’t even met her, Renie. You haven’t even tried. You have to try. Isn’t it worth it to try?” He sat down next to her and gripped her shoulders.
r />
“Isn’t it?” he demanded.