A couple of hours, and many tears later, the tone of the journal changed. Zack was headed to his first base, and several of the pages were dedicated to how he felt about serving in the military. Most of what was written, Bree had understood fundamentally, at the time. What surprised her was Zack’s depth of passion.
October 12
Many question the meaning of life. I do not. I know, without question, what my calling is. I was put on this earth to protect and serve my country. It is not a responsibility I take lightly, nor do I pay lip service to it, as many I serve with do. More than being Bree’s husband, more than being a son, or a father, I am a soldier.
She and Zack had talked about his commitment to the Air Force on their way to Yellowstone. It was the same trip that brought them to Idaho for the first time.
“It’s something I should have told you before we got married,” he’d said then.
She’d told him she understood his passion, but when she read his journal entry, she realized she really hadn’t. If he’d told her then that he believed it was more important than she was, she might’ve reacted differently. Maybe when he said it, she’d disregarded it as the ramblings of an idealistic young man.
They’d argued about it more than once in the course of their marriage. Zack volunteered for more things than Bree thought were necessary. He didn’t do it because it was necessary to his career, he told her—he did it because it was necessary to his soul.
Zack volunteered to help coach the academy track team, when he was stationed at Peterson Air Force Base. He also volunteered with the Wounded Warrior Program. At the time, he told her she didn’t understand. He’d been right. She understood now, but only after reading his journals.
She walked out on the porch and looked out at the lake. It was warm today, warm enough to go for a walk.
“Hey, now, there’s a pretty girl,” Red said, coming around the corner of the house.
“Hey, Red. I was just thinking about taking a walk. Join me?”
“I’ll do ya one better. How about a ride?”
They took the truck to the ranch, and Red called the barn on their way over. “Hey, Wyatt, can I talk you into saddlin’ up a couple horses?”
He smiled at Bree when he hung up. “Perks of bein’ the boss.”
“All that time, I thought you were just another ranch hand.”
“I like to keep a low profile around the guests.”
That made Bree laugh. “I’ll say.”
They rode a trail south, through the woods.
“How’s reading?”
“No easier, but no harder either. There are things about Zack I never knew. Or maybe I knew, and I just didn’t understand.”
“I learned a lot when my wife got sick. There were times I felt the same way you are now.”
“How so?”
“I never realized how much she held inside.”
Red reined his horse in. “It had been years, you see. For years, she kept her feelings bottled up, and I did nothing to draw them out of her. Instead of leaning on each other, we dealt with the grief of losing our daughter each in our own way.”
“How would you have done it differently, if you had to do it over again?”
“I don’t know. I would have tried harder to get her to talk about how she was feeling.”
“How?”
“I asked her once, you know, how I could’ve been a better husband.”
“What did she say?”
“She told me to figure it out for myself.”