“If I’m not cut out for what?”
“Yeah, I guess I’m getting pretty far ahead of myself, aren’t I? I mean, we haven’t even talked about why you’re here in the first place. Not really. I guess, I shouldn’t go assuming anything about next week, let alone the future.”
Bree sat back down on the arm of the sofa. “I’m not following you. I feel as though I’m supposed to read between the lines and figure out what you’re trying to say, but I’m lost.”
“You. Me. This place.” Jace paced in front of her. “I live on a ranch, darlin’, and when I’m not here, I’m in a rig, pulling a slew of bulls and broncs from one town to the next. It isn’t romantic. It’s damn hard work.”
“There’s only one thing I heard that you’re right about,” she stood and came toe to toe with him. “You’re doing a lot of assuming you shouldn’t be.”
“Yeah, right. I got it.” He turned his back to her and began to walk away.
“Wait a minute, dammit.” She grabbed his arm. “Jace? What is wrong with you? Why are you acting like this?”
Maybe she had been wrong about him. But last night, he told her he loved her. Did he regret saying it? Was that why he was behaving this way? Her eyes filled with tears, and she spun around, so he wouldn’t see. Why did she have to start crying? Now he would feel sor
ry for her, and they’d never get to the bottom of why he was acting the way he was.
“I understand if you don’t want me here. I should’ve called. I should’ve…well, there’s so much I should’ve done. I’m sorry, Jace.”
“I do want you here, Bree, but this is a damn hard life.”
“I can’t tell whether you’re saying this for my benefit or yours. Quit talking in circles.”
“I have responsibilities I can’t just walk away from.”
“Have I asked you to?” What was it about her that made Jace believe she was asking him to change his life? Why had Zack thought the same thing?
“I’m me, and you’re you. Right, Bree? I’m a rancher, and a rough stock contractor. I get dirty, and I shovel a lot of shit in the course of a day. I made a commitment to my parents, and to my partners. I’m not in a position to renege.”
She felt as though she was talking to a brick wall. “Why do you keep saying that, as though I’m asking you to?”
“Why did you come here? What is it that you want from me? If it’s casual sex, I gotta tell you, I can’t do it. Not anymore. I’m done bein’ the detour. I’m done bein’ the guy that offers comfort until you figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life, or who you want to spend the rest of your life with.” He spun her around so she faced him. “I love you, Bree. I know that might not mean much to you. You may think I was in love with Renie, and Blythe. I did too. But I wasn’t. Not like this. Nothing has ever felt like this.”
She couldn’t stop the flow of tears from her eyes. “Why are you pushing me away?”
“I ache for you, do you understand? Ache. I physically hurt, knowing you don’t feel the same way about me. I want you every minute of every day, and when we’re together, I get lost in you. Each time, I tell myself it’ll be different. I let go of the fear, and then you stick me with the same knife you have every other time. Do you know how I felt when you called to say you were going to Idaho for Christmas? Do you?”
She was crying too hard to answer.
“Do you?”
“I-I’m so sorry,” she hiccuped.
“Every time you pull away from me, you take another chunk of my heart.”
“I don’t want to pull away, Jace. I want this.”
“For how long? This isn’t you, living on a ranch. When you decide to leave, I’ll be left here, with no choice but to board up that damn stained glass window all over again.”
“Stained glass window? What are you talking about?”
“The one in the stairwell. When Beiman’s wife left him, he couldn’t stand to look at it, so he boarded it up. I know, now, why he did.”
Bree stood in front of him, unable to speak, unable to do anything but cry. He said he wanted her, that he loved her, but he was convinced she either didn’t love him enough, or wasn’t strong enough to be what he needed. He’d already decided she couldn’t do it. He was so sure of it, he wouldn’t consider even trying.
“We’re good to go,” shouted Ben from the other side of the hangar. “Let’s get on our way before the weather turns bad again.”
Jace grabbed her bag and his. “Come on, let’s do this.”