Her lovely green eyes were dull with fatigue. Not much sleep, if any, Quin thought. Her long curly hair had been brushed and her general appearance—T-shirt, jeans, sandals—was neat and tidy, but her face was nude of make-up and her skin looked pale and drawn, the strain of having to confront him this morning all too visible.
She stared too long without saying a word and he knew she was seeing him as belonging to a different world in his grey business suit. He sensed it represented pain to her and she didn’t want to be anywhere near it again. The problem was they had obviously been at different places in their lives five years ago and she had nursed expectations of him which he hadn’t met.
“I’m not in that place anymore, Nicole,” he said impulsively, hoping to ease her stress. “I do have to go to work today. I have a business to run, just as you have a dance school to run with your mother. But I no longer have a pressing need to make as much money as I can in as little time as possible. I now have a different perspective on what I want in my life.”
She shook her head, a tired disbelief in her eyes. “I realise Zoe came as a shock to you, Quin. You reacted to it without thinking through how much a commitment fatherhood would be.” Her mouth moved stiffly into a wry grimace as she amended her words. “Should be.”
“I don’t have to think it through, Nicole. We’re not talking about a proposition here. Zoe is a reality.”
“She doesn’t have to be,” came the swift, anxious rejoinder. “I could explain last night away as a dream. She’s not awake yet. You could leave and let me handle all the parenting.”
“No!” Steel shot down his backbone. Every muscle tensed in fighting mode. “I won’t be wiped out of my daughter’s life.”
“That’s ego talking, Quin, not love.” Her eyes searched his in frantic concern. “I don’t think you know what love is, and it’s not fair to tug on a little girl’s heart, then leave it empty of what she’ll want from you.” Her hands lifted in urgent appeal. “Please…take the time to think about it. At least, leave the decision until I come to you on Friday night.”
“Waiting won’t make any difference to my decision. You agreed to my coming here this morning, Nicole. I’m not going away.”
“I wasn’t thinking straight last night.”
“Well, I was. And I’m thinking straight this morning, too.” He checked his watch. “It’s past seven and while you’re not delighted to see me, I think my daughter will be, so can we stop this futile argument now and keep to the agreement?”
She looked at him with an angry mixture of fear and frustration. “You don’t care, do you? It has to be your way or no way.”
“Was your way so good, Nicole?” he countered. “Keeping Zoe to yourself? Not caring if she might want her father?”
Hot colour raced into her pale cheeks. “You weren’t good for me, Quin. Why would I believe…”
“Yes, I was,” he cut in vehemently. “I was good for you or you wouldn’t have lived with me for so long. I just wouldn’t dance to your strings and I’m not going to dance to them now, either.”
He took a step closer to her, his whole body emanating the aggression she had triggered. “Let me into the house, Nicole. We do this peaceably or you’ll be facing a court order for visitation rights. You want our daughter dragged into that kind of conflict?”
She shrank back against the door, confused and frightened by the threat, not having imagined he would feel so strongly about claiming his child. But he did. The need to forge a bond with his daughter was raging through him, fuelled by the sense of having been arbitrarily deleted from being a factor in her life for the past four years. On the other hand, if he alienated Nicole too far, he wouldn’t get all he wanted.
He tempered the tumult of feeling, forcing himself to speak calmly. “Let’s move on from the past, Nicole. We have a future to build for Zoe and cooperation is a better foundation than conflict. Okay?”
Her hand fluttered to her throat as though it was too constricted to allow speech. Her eyes filled with a helpless vulnerability, as though he’d stripped her of defences and she didn’t know which way to turn.
“It will be okay. I promise you,” Quin pressed earnestly.
She scooped in a deep breath, released it in a shuddering sigh, then stepped back, pushing the door wide open to let him enter. “That’s the first really important promise you’ve made to me, Quin,” she said shakily. “I hope it will be kept.”
He stopped beside her, lifting a hand to gently cup her face and tilt it towards his, wanting her to look and see the burning sincerity in his eyes. “Let’s seal it with a kiss, Nicole.”
He didn’t wait for a verbal consent. It was enough that she kept looking at him, making no attempt to twist out of his light grasp. The need to connect with her, as well as their daughter, surged through Quin, dictating a kiss of persuasion, not possession. It was important to soothe her concerns, make her feel that he truly, deeply, cared, and the strong sexual desire she’d always stirred in him was not the one and only reason for them to come together.
For a few moments she was completely passive, letting him kiss her but not engaging in it herself. Then her inner tension collapsed and her lips moved in a tentative response, as though curious to taste what he was offering, unsure where he was going with it. Quin didn’t push for more. Gaining acceptance and making it stick had to be his primary goal this morning.
He withdrew slowly, softly brushing his lips against hers as he murmured, “A new beginning. For the three of us.”
“You’d better make the most of this time with Zoe,” she said huskily. “You know the way to her bedroom.”
It was a dismissal but not a hostile one.
Satisfied that he had made some breakthrough, albeit a small one, Quin moved on down the hall and quietly opened the door to their daughter’s bedroom, quite happy just to look at her if she was still asleep.
He hated having missed four years of her life, deprived of seeing her grow into the child she was now. He should have been familiar with her face and every expression of it. As it was, he was acutely conscious of the need to memorise it so he could call it to mind whenever he wanted.
Zoe was not asleep. She was lying on her side, gazing at the butterfly tree. Early morning sunshine was pouring through the bay window, lighting up the multicoloured wings, creating a magical sight. A child’s wonderland, he thought, giving him a quick appreciation of how loving a mother Nicole had to be. How many women would put their time into such a project?