The Ultimate Choice

He half propelled her down the veranda steps and Kelly stumbled into a run, her legs pushed along by a force that was beyond her control, gathering a headlong momentum that pounded with painful need…a frantic, hounding need that had no hope, yet would not be denied.

Justin's car was at a standstill. The gate looked a garish white in the headlights. Kelly didn't understand why Justin was still in the car, why he hadn't moved. Her heart was bursting. Each breath was a pant of agony. He would get out, any second now. He would open the gate and go…and she wouldn't reach him in time. The red tail-lights mocked her, but her legs kept churning on…closer…closer…

The car door swung slowly open. Justin's silhouette unfolded against it. He leaned against the car as if he needed support, as if all purpose had deserted him and he was trapped there motionless, neither moving forward nor retreating… a shadow without life or meaning.

'Justin…Her cry was a thin, reedy sound, insubstantial, yet wafting on the stillness of the night, reaching him, twisting him around.

'Kelly…' His cry was hoarse, driven, tortured…

'Wait… wait…'

She did not have the breath, the strength to plead more, but he waited. He even took a step towards her as she half fell against the boot of the car in blind exhaustion.

'Listen…please listen to me,' she gasped, not knowing what to say, only knowing that he had waited and was giving her the chance to say something. Tears of desperation sprang into her eyes. Her throat burned as she dredged words from her heart and forced them out.

'Justin, I know you will only ever love Noni. I loved her, too. She was like a big sister to me… so warm and kind and always so much fun to be with. I missed her…very much…and while she'll always live in my heart, she's not here any more, Justin. And I am.'

The tears overflowed and trickled down her cheeks, but Kelly wasn't even aware of them. Her whole being was concentrated on the man who was her life.

'I love you,' she said in passionate entreaty. 'If I didn't love you, I wouldn't fight with you. I'd give in to everything you want. But I won't. It's wrong, what you're doing… the way you've let things affect you…'

Her breath was coming in chaotic sobs and Justin's face was only a blur, but the words kept spilling from her lips in a torrent of despairing appeal. 'When you held me in your arms tonight, that was real… wasn't it? You loved me… a little, didn't you? Enough to… to have something good with me, even though I'm not Noni…'

'Don't!' The cry was wrung from him, scraping through the mangle of doubts that had entangled the truth. He lurched forward. His arms wrapped around her and held her tightly to him. 'Don't say that, Kelly. Don't ever say that again,' he implored huskily.

His voice was half muffled as he rubbed his face over the top of her head again and again. 'I did love Noni. I always will. She was everything you said she was and more… much more. But you, my darling girl… you are the life I want more than any other.'

Kelly barely heard the words. He was holding her, holding her as if he never wanted to let her go, and she burrowed her face into his shoulder, flung her arms around his waist, and clung as hard as she could.

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He drew in a ragged breath. 'How can I explain it to you?' He sounded as desperate as she felt. His voice floated over her, strained with regret and hope and need. 'With Noni, love was a splendid discovery, a wonderful new dimension of life, and I took it for granted that it would go on forever. It was a shattering blow when she died. So this time… with you…' He gave a shuddering sigh. 'It frightens me… what I feel for you, Kelly. It's so deep, it ravages my soul. I've tried desperately hard to control it. To protect myself. To protect you. It's so terribly strong…the temptation to take you, keep you entirely to myself, hold you safe from anything that might take you away from me. I have to keep fighting it.'

He pulled slightly away to cup her face with infinite tenderness. 'I know I would stifle all your joy in life if I did that. And I love your joy, your courage, your unbounded spirit, Kelly. I love what you are… all that you are… too much to change one part of it.'

'You…love…me?' she whispered, still too torn by her own emotions to give full credit to his.

'With all the depth and breadth of life itself,' he answered, his voice heavy with resignation. 'There's no escaping it for me, Kelly. It's driving me insane. Whatever you do, whatever you want, I can't do anything else but love you. You're part of me now. Perhaps it was always meant to be… a little child that I had to save. I don't know. I think… sometimes… I don't know anything any more… except… I love you.'

'Oh, Justin,' Kelly breathed ecstatically. 'Keep on loving me. Keep on loving me forever.' And she reached up to press the deep fervour of her own love into a kiss that would leave no doubt as to her feelings for him.

He responded, because he could not help but respond, and they kissed and kissed again, hungry for repeated confirmation of their commitment to each other. Time was a meaningless swirl as they recaptured the closeness they had shared all too briefly at Marian Park, and with their uncertainties banished forever, the sense of togetherness was even more magical, more intoxicating, more fulfilling in every way.

'You will risk your life with me, Kelly?' Justin asked, wanting to hear the words.

She laughed in sheer happiness. 'Just try and get away from me, Justin St John. I'd fight you every step of the way.'

He laughed too, a deep rumble of pleasure. 'That I can believe. I shall try not to engage you in battle. You always win anyway.'

'Mmm…' Her eyes wickedly teased him. 'I think I can be seduced. You're a terribly distracting man. You've got no idea how hard it was to concentrate on giving you physiotherapy.'

He grinned, and Kelly decided in that instant that he was the most handsome man in the whole world… handsome and beautiful and wonderful, and all of him miraculously hers!

'No idea?' he scoffed laughingly. 'I doubt that your concentration was as difficult to maintain as mine. Every time you touched me, I had to block out the urge to make love to you there and then, and to hell with the consequences.'

His hands ran down her body with savouring possessiveness. 'And every time I watched you ride, I wanted to drag you off the horse and kiss you until you were senseless with wanting me and nothing else.'

Kelly sobered as she remembered the torment she had given him. 'I won't go show-jumping again, Justin.'