Lost In Us (Lost 1)

"Royal Garden."

"You're kidding. Did we pull a bank job and I don't remember it? That place is expensive, Jess."

"I know, but you always wanted to go there."

I did. I was there once in my second year to listen to a speech and immediately proclaimed it my favorite place in the world. It's an eighteenth century mansion that has been turned into a hotel, hidden in a small forest, not far from here. The surrounding area doesn't even resemble California, more like a setting from a fairy tale. The prices are exorbitant, though. The reception in their restaurant had already been paid for by the university, but I glanced at the menu once and knew it'd be a long time before I could afford it.

"I only got the job offer, Jess. They didn't send me a paycheck in advance."

"No need. I have a friend who works there who owes me one. I was waiting for the right occasion to ask for the favor. He said he'll give us a heavy discount. Just on drinks, though." She winks. "Hence the pancakes."

I gape at her. Funny how she can arrange anything anywhere, yet when it came to paying for the damage in the bar, the only thing she thought of was running to James. I don't say anything, though. I'm glad that things are finally calm between us. Besides, it really is nice of her to arrange something like this.

"So who else is joining us?"

"Oh, just a couple of people from your class," she says, her eyes glinting as she pulls a bit at her frock. I grin. Other people would wear long skirts, or at least somehow try to hide the cast, but she picked one of her shortest dresses, and painted the flag of England on the cast just above her knee. "Also some of my people, so we can have some real fun. No offense to your economics and computer geeks."

I chuckle. "None taken. So how did you manage to arrange this in three hours?"

"You know me. There's nothing that can get me started more than a party. I only needed two and a half, actually. I was half asleep when you texted. By the way, there will also be some people from your volleyball team. Not Jason, though."

I shudder as I remember the last time I saw Jason. Part of me still wishes James had punched him. The other part wishes I'd gritted my teeth and stayed with him, because that would have saved me from myself and my weakness. I would have avoided everything that followed with James.

"We'll have a lot of fun," she says, a look of immense satisfaction sprawled on her face.

"Jess," I say, suddenly terrified of her smile, "I hope James won't be there."

She shakes her head. "You should cut the man some slack, Serena. If my boyfriend had died in a car crash trying to get away from me, I'd—"

"Written him a nice epitaph and proceeded to a rebound?" I ask sardonically.

"I would’ve Googled an epitaph. I'm not particularly skilled with goodbyes. But I would have been affected by it. Anyone would."

"I know, Jess," I reply.

"You should know. You still get all worked up about your sister after all these years."

I freeze in my steps. Jess rarely brings up Kate. Very rarely. Not even on Kate's birthday, when I'm a wreck. She just does her best to cheer me up. But I suppose the reason for my earlier slip with the green dress was more than obvious. And if I have these kinds of slips, why am I asking more of James?

I know why.

Because my slips include a lot of crying and breakdowns, triggered by the most random things, like stumbling upon a movie I once saw with Kate. He barely talks about his pain. Maybe if he talked about it he wouldn't leave me stranded in a hospital after I told him I loved him, and then run off to another woman. Maybe if we were both broken in the same way, we would know how to mend each other. Or maybe if I were a better person, I would accept that it's all right not to be the same, and I would try to work things out instead of running away from him. But I am not that pe

rson, and I don't want to risk giving him another chance.

Because all James and I seem to know is how to hurt each other.

"Let's go. Or everyone else will be there before us," Jess says, looking worriedly from me to the part of the closet where she hid Kate's dress. It occurs to me that Jess must remember that tomorrow is Kate's birthday. I suddenly realize that her organizing the whole thing tonight isn't just for celebrating our job successes, but also part of her annual effort to prevent me from having a depression attack on Kate's birthday.

"Sure, let's go," I say. Jess gets out of the room first, and I trail after her. It's not until I reach my door that I realize something's caught on the right heel of my white strappy sandals. A piece of black fabric, a thong perhaps. I bend down to remove it and suck in my breath when I realize what it is. It's the black ribbon that hung on the waist of Kate's dress. It must have fallen off when Jess took the dress away.

Without thinking, I open my white envelope bag and put the ribbon inside.

I don't know why, but I am beyond nervous in the cab. I sit next to the driver to give Jess enough space to put up her foot in the back. I try to ignore the driver's less than polite stares. He snorted when we told him the address, then asked us if we know that it's a very expensive place. Now he glares at our purses every few seconds, as if he's afraid we won't pay him. It would serve him right. I should be happy, excited. After all, the news about the job is what I've been waiting and praying for weeks to receive. Months, really. But there's a heaviness in my chest that might or might not have something to do with the ribbon in my bag.

The sight of the forest surrounding Royal Garden momentarily pushes everything else to the back of my mind—the forest is as enchanting as I remember it. There's nothing but thick trees on either side of the road. I know there is a river here somewhere and I roll the window down a bit to hear it. Sure enough, the distant sound of flowing water reaches my ears. When the mansion comes in view, I feel just like I did when I first saw it. Like I am stepping inside a fairy tale. I turn to Jess and smile, now excited for real. I can't imagine a better place to celebrate. The driver stops in front of the main entrance, and I immediately realize that the long row of steps—part of what gives this place its charming appearance—will be a nightmare for Jess to climb.

Just as I open my mouth, Jess tells the driver, "There's another entrance in the back where there are no steps."