Lost In Us (Lost 1)

"How could I forget?" I ask weakly. "It's where we had our first reunion, before leaving for the chocolate factory."

"I'm sorry I couldn't keep the promise I made you that night. I'm sorry I hurt you again. I didn't mean to. I wanted to fix everything at Royal Garden, and I only managed to fuck it up even more. I don't know how to be around you without hurting you." He pauses, his eyes now the color of the clear sky above us, scathing me, sending shivers of ice and fire through me. "I'm sorry I'm too messed up to tell you what you need to hear."

"I'm sorry you put your business on the line for me."

"I'd put anything on the line for you. Serena, there's nothing, nothing I wouldn't risk for you."

"Except three words."

And as I say the sentence, it hits me just how messed up I am. Because surely, any sane person would take his act—forcing Natalie out at the risk of bankrupting himself—as the ultimate proof that he cares about me, that he loves me. But I need to know he's overcome whatever keeps him from saying those damned words to me.

His gaze darkens. His lips open slightly, but it's not the words I so desperately crave that come out. "Spend this day with me, Serena," he begs.

I nod.

I trail alongside James as we walk back to the buses, careful not to come too close to him. Twice he glances in my direction but I pretend not to notice, though I think my burning cheeks more than give me away.

"We ride on this bus," James says when we come near them, pointing to the second bus. The door at the front of the bus slides open the moment I stop in front of it, revealing the bash of cheers and laughter happening inside.

"Looks like they're having a blast already," I say nervously to James, who's right behind my shoulder.

"And to think you wanted to miss this," he whispers in my ear, sending a torrent of tingles down my spine. But the tingles transform into a wave of warmth that spreads through my entire body, making my toes curl and my heart skip a beat. I take a deep breath, distancing myself from him, wondering how many more of these moments I can steal today. Many, I hope. I'll put them all in a little glass box at the back of my mind—a collection of fragile memories that I will treasure forever and revisit when the longing for him becomes too unbearable.

I step inside the bus. It's cool and dry here—bless air conditioning for offering me relief from the consuming heat. The driver is smiling at me in a weird way, and it takes me a few seconds to realize why. The bus has gone silent. Like, utterly and completely silent.

"The group is complete now," James tells the driver. "We're ready to go."

There are long rows of two seats on each side of the bus. I'm glad the ones in the front are empty, because I think if I had to walk by the others, who are watching me with half-amused, half-mocking expressions, my cheeks would easily catch fire. They already feel so hot, I'm sure I must look like a clown. Parker is sitting in the second row alone, by the window, and I choose to sit next to him instead of taking one of the double empty seats. James would surely sit by my side, and I'm not sure I can survive a bus ride—long or short as it might be—next to him. The bus starts moving and, thankfully, the cheers and laughter start again. I still have no idea where we're going. I think the others don't, either.

James cocks an eyebrow when he notices my choice of seat. I look away quickly, turning to Parker who isn't looking at me. He's typing furiously on his phone. There's a crease on his forehead, and it's becoming more and more pronounced by the second.

"Anything wrong?" I ask.

"My flat is flooded," he says, not looking up. "I'll have to stay in a hotel for a few days."

"Can't you stay with James?"

He shakes his head. "I mean my flat in London."

"You're going back to London?"

"Uh huh," he says, then shoves his phone in his pocket, and looks up at me. "We agreed with the investors today that I should go back to London and focus on growing the business there. I was going to go back soon anyway, but it'll happen more quickly than I anticipated."

"So, when are you leaving?"

"Tonight."

"Oh," I exclaim. Whenever I considered leaving for New York, I only thought about not seeing James again. A startling heaviness settles in my chest at the thought of not seeing Parker again. I like being around him. He reminds me of home. Just a bit. Not enough to bring back all the bad memories that chased me away from there in the first place. I lean back in my seat, holding my knees against my chest. They feel like they're made out of stones. My whole body does. I didn't realize how tired I am until now.

He smiles a smile that is a carbon copy of James's. "We'll keep in touch."

"Sure." That's what my friends from school said when I left London. That's what I told them, too. But the ocean has a habit of making strangers out of friends. "What time is your flight?"

"Nine o'clock."

"Maybe we can go together to the airport."

"Absolutely," he says. "Have you packed already?"