Lost In Us (Lost 1)

I stare at the wheel as Parker starts the car, determined not to look behind me, at the river, or the trees, or anything that might remind me of the last hours spent with James. I only relax when we get on the highway.

"So," Parker says, and I sense that I'm about to find out what the resentment really is about, "when exactly did you decide you wanted to move to New York?"

"About five minutes after I got the offer."

Parker snorts.

"If there's something you want to tell me, Parker, just say it. Don't act like you're three years old."

Silence follows. I watch him intently, but he keeps his eyes firmly on the road.

When he finally speaks, after a good while, he sounds normal again. Not friendly, but not upset either. "You do know Natalie isn't part of the company anymore, right?"

I look away, out the window. "Yeah, I know."

"Then I don't understand, what's the problem? Why are you running away?"

His words hit me like a thousand knives, and I flinch in my seat.

"The problem is… there are certain things James can't do. And certain things I can't do."

"That's not a problem. It's just the way things are. No one can do everything right or be perfect. It's called flaws. Everyone has them."

"There are flaws and then there are flaws, Parker. Some flaws are easier to ignore, some harder. And James's tend to be of the latter kind."

As are mine.

"And I'm afraid one of those flaws will end up with him walking out on me," I say.

"Funny of you to say that, since you're the one who's walking out on him."

"I don't expect you to understand," I mumble.

"I'm glad you don't expect that. Because I sure as hell don't understand. I'm just saying he very nearly bankrupted us, all in order to force out Natalie—who is one of his oldest friends, for God's sake."

"I never got the impression you were a big fan of hers," I say in what I hope is a measured voice.

"I am absolutely not. But she and James have been close friends for years. Going to the lengths he did to cut off all contact with her…" He sighs. "I'm just saying, this should count more than whatever flaw you're keeping against him on your twisted scale. James has done things for you no one else would have done for anyone. I know I wouldn't have done what he did for any woman. Especially if she treated me the way you treated him."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask, remembering Ralph telling me something similar earlier in the day. It was easy to ignore Ralph, but I trust Parker's judgment much more than Ralph's. At the moment, I think I trust it more than mine. My head snaps in his direction, and I flinch again in my seat. The way the muscles on his neck are contorted as he looks down the road… he reminds me of James so much that my chest begins to ache. I turn my gaze away from him, making a mental note to look at him as little as possible.

"After certain things you pulled," Parker continues, "like showing up with me at that dinner, and I'm sure that's just the tip of the iceberg… you're not really worth it, are you?"

He sounds so cool, so sincere, that I cannot bring myself to be mad at him. Quite the opposite. In fact, a chuckle bubbles out of my chest. "That's really charming of you, Parker."

I can see now why Jess detests Parker with such a passion. Because, when he's not being the world's most skilled gentleman, he doesn't have any qualms about blurting out the truth—or at least what he thinks is the truth. In my case, he's spot on. I have a hunch he was in Jess's case, too. Jess isn't a big believer in being told truths, though she gratuitously tells them to others. Especially to me.

I don't have a problem hearing my truths. I'm well aware of them. I just seem incapable on acting on them. Changing them. Improving them.

Improving myself.

It's refreshing really, that Parker doesn't put me on a pedestal, like James. He sees me for what I am. A broken girl who doesn't deserve the love of a man like James, let alone all those sacrifices. Sure, he doesn't know what broke me, or why I am like this, but does it matter in the end? All that matters is the result. And the result is not a pleasant one. Someone weak, who doesn't have the courage to risk anything to be with the person she loves.

Who chooses to flee instead.

No wonder Parker doesn't like what he sees. I don't, either. But for whatever reason, James does. Enough to want to hold me, patch me up. Complete me. Enough to put everything on the line for me. Parker is right. This should count more than those stupid three little words, no matter how twisted the scale I use. James did more for me than Parker will ever know.

He made my dreams—my fantasy world—real, so I didn't have to hide in them anymore.