This sobers me up. Just how easy? Does he know I think of his lips more often than I should? That each time he flirts, my heart does a somersault?
"So, what do you have to confess?" His eyes bore into mine as if expecting some profound secret.
"Well, my absolute favorite series are Harry Potter and Lord of The Rings."
"I've never read them."
"What? Oh, that's a big minus point."
"You're giving me points? What for?"
"I...um..."
"What do I get plus points for? Being good-looking? Irresistible?" He eyes me intensely, inching closer to me. "I might not get points for my reading, but I can do other things very well." His raspy voice sends tendrils of heat low in my stomach. After a few seconds, he must decide he’s tormented me enough because he pulls back. I breathe in deeply. "And you were judging my reading tastes?" We laugh together, stretching on the roof. It's such a liberating experience.
"I want to study English Literature," I explain. "These series are sort of pariahs for serious literature readers." At least they were for my interviewer at Oxford.
"You're incredibly sweet, my Dani."
My Dani. The words ripple through me. I know he probably didn't mean it in any significant way, but at the moment, it just gives me delicious chills.
"What is your favorite serious literature read?"
"A Midsummer Night's Dream," I say.
His face falls. "It was my mom's favorite, too. I used to read it to her very often."
"You read to her? That's nice."
"Yeah. She had trouble reading, so I did it for her. Reading was her way of escaping her reality, forgetting how incapacitated she was."
"Isn't that why we all love books, because they help you escape into a different world?" For brief moments, that magical feeling of being utterly buried in the pages of a book washes over me, then Damon's words snap me to reality.
"You have everything, Dani. What could you possibly want different?" His voice has a tinge to it that makes my stomach tighten. It’s not accusing, but incredulous. I instantly feel guilty.
"You'll laugh at me."
"No, I won't," Damon assures me, his eyes wandering curiously over my face.
"I just wish I had a warmer family. All those things you did with your mom—reading, cooking—I never did that with my parents. When I was very young, my live-in babysitter used to read me bedtime stories. My parents always had...other things to do. I know it's not such a big deal. I mean, not compared to the problems you had to—”
I stop when Damon puts his hand over mine. "Sorry, I didn't mean to come off as judgmental."
"When I have my family, it'll be very different," I say with conviction.
"I'm sure it will."
Staring at our interlinked hands, I voice a deep fear. "But what if I won't know how to be different? I mean, aren't we supposed to learn from our parents how to be parents?"
"You will be exactly who you want to be, Dani. You are a very warm person. That's not the kind of thing you learn from others. Otherwise, I'm doomed to be a crappy father." Damon says the last words with a grin, but beneath it I detect unease. His fingers tic on the rooftop, and then we finally get on with our Trig exercises.
***
On Wednesday, we go into an hour-long debate about movies. He's a fan of old-school movies, but I vehemently defend the latest blockbusters. That night is the first time he calls me. We end our talk at four o'clock in the morning. On Thursday, we both show up at school with dark circles under our eyes. I nearly fall asleep in Trig, which makes Mr. Smith angry. He's used to my average performance in Trig, and never seemed upset by it—probably because I'm a stellar student at the other subjects. At lunch, between Trig exercises, Damon and I talk about music. Maybe it's his mom’s influence, but his tastes smack of the eighties. Despite my best efforts, he refuses to tell me how he got his bruises. It's a whiff colder than the past few days, so we stay huddled together on the roof. He asks me if I can help him out in Biology, and I agree with the added request that he also let me introduce him to modern music.
"Pffft," he exclaims. "Only if you let me do something in exchange."
"What?"