Holy bejeezus. The reflection in the mirror belongs in a horror movie. Mascara is nice and sexy when freshly applied, but not so much after you cry yourself to sleep with it on. With a sigh and a heavy heart, I pour makeup remover on a cotton pad and clean my face, losing some eyelashes in the process. Next I shower, scrubbing my entire body before carefully shampooing and rinsing my hair twice.
When I step out of the bathroom, I might be clean, but I don’t feel any less miserable. Heartbreak can’t be washed away. My heart seems to have doubled in weight overnight. It hangs so heavy in my chest that I don’t know what to do with myself. I swear every breath hurts.
Normally, I would call Pippa because my sister always makes everything better, but she has two babies constantly glued to her and a family who needs her. As much as I need her, it would be selfish of me to call her. Briefly I consider calling Summer, but I don’t feel like relaying everything over the phone. Pep talks or commiseration only work in person. Besides, I need someone to give me a tight hug and tell me everything will be okay. You can’t hug over the phone.
Resigned with having only my blanket to snuggle, I curl up in my bed, sighing. It’s Saturday, which means I should be at Blue Moon, but I can’t bring myself to dress up and head out in the world. The mere thought of smiling at patrons and making chitchat gives me a headache. Besides, somehow I’m sure people would take one look at me and see right through my facade. Hugging my pillow tightly, I bring my blanket to my chin and wallow.
It’s early afternoon when my door buzzes, forcing me out of bed. Reluctantly, I head to the front door, wondering who it might be. Peeking through the peephole, I’m startled. It’s Pippa.
What’s she doing here? Did I actually call her and forget? I’m not so far gone, am I?
Gulping, I open the front door.
“Why aren’t you answering your phone? I was worried.”
“I was asleep, didn’t hear it. Why are you worried?”
She tilts her head to one side, her hands on her hips. “I heard what happened with Nate.”
“How?”
“I have my ways.”
“Clara?”
“Yep.”
“Then by all means, come inside and join my pity party.” Leading her to my living room, I relay everything that happened last night, from Horowitz’s proposal to my parting words to Nate. I thought replaying those moments in my mind would crush me further, but instead it brings a wave of relief, as if by saying them out loud I took a weight off my shoulders.
By the time I’m done, I notice I’m curled on one side on the couch. My head is in Pippa’s lap, and she’s stroking my hair in a soothing gesture.
“Pippa?” I ask quietly. “Why aren’t you saying anything?”
“You love Nate, don’t you?”
“Yes.” I have the distinct feeling that my heart is crawling up my throat, obstructing my breath.
“And the man loves you. I mean, there’s no denying that. I’ve seen the two of you together.”
“Not the point.” Pushing myself into a sitting position, I glance at my sister suspiciously.
“How is this not the point?”
“The point is I don’t want him to think he has to choose between his dream and me.”
“So you made the choice for him.”
“Isn’t it easier that way?” I want to call Nate because I don’t like how I left things between us, but I haven’t been able to muster the energy or the courage yet.
Pippa shifts closer to me, putting her delicate hand on top of mine. “Alice, you’re the most determined person I know. You never choose the easy way. You always find a way to make things work. Who are you, and what have you done to my sister?”
“I could ask you the same thing. I need sugar and a lot of love. Not tough love, Pippa.” My voice is almost pleading.
“I digress,” she says firmly, but not unkindly. “When you find the man who makes you feel loved and cherished every day, you fight. You find solutions. He adores you. You honestly think he’ll be happy without you?”
“No? Yes? I don’t know? Please be my sweet, non-ass-kicking sister again. I can’t think. My brain got fried sometime last night. Heartbreak sends the neurons into a coma. Why isn’t there some research on this?”
“Cupcakes or donuts?”