I spent the next half-hour trying to convince Taye that there was a better way than this. I told her that we could get through this, get through it together, and all she would have to do is say the word and recommit to treatment, and we could make it. My pleas fell on deaf ears, and after a while Taye said, "I hate you."
She turned off the light and repositioned herself in the bed. I knew there was no hope for us. I got up and went back to the bar. I sat there for the rest of the night, drinking and thinking.
Divorce or murder?
When I woke up that next morning, I was still in that chair. I got up and took a shower to get ready to go to work. When I was dressed and ready to go, I knew that it was time for me to make a decision. I stood in the doorway to my office, knowing that there was still time to change my mind.
I walked into the office and opened the safe. I had twelve thousand dollars that I had won playing poker a few months back. I took out all of it, and counted out ten thousand dollars. Then I got two envelopes, put five in one, and rest in the other.
During the drive to the work, I was surprisingly calm for somebody that was about to sanction the murder of his wife. That morning at the office was no different. I went to meetings, interacted with Winston and the rest of my co-workers, and did my job like it was just another day.
When it was time to go and meet Qianna, I left the office and drove to the apartment. She was stretched out naked on the couch watching TV, when I got there. "Hey," she said and sat up.
"How you doin’?"
"You decide what you wanna do?"
As I walked toward her, I took the envelope out of my jacket pocket.
"I guess you have."
I handed her the envelope, and she dropped it on the coffee table.
"I know I don’t need to count this," Qianna said, and sat on the edge of the couch. She began unbuckling my pants. I took off my jacket and laid it on top of the money.
"No need. Five grand, like I said."
"She’s done," Qianna said, and took me into her mouth.
"I’m not gonna leave the house until she goes to sleep. When I get where I’m going, I’ll call you," I said, and loosened my tie. "I’ll stay gone for at least four hours. That should give you plenty of time to do it." I took off my shirt and laid it on the jacket.
"Where she keep her jewelry?" Qianna asked, and took me into her mouth again.
"In the bedroom. The jewelry box is on her makeup table. I’ll leave the back door unlocked when I leave."
Qianna stopped abruptly. "No. It will look better if I gotta break in. You leave all that shit to me. All you gotta do is make sure ain’t no damn alarm gonna go off. When I’ma get the rest of my money?"
"Call me in a couple of days, and I’ll meet you someplace."
"Why don’t you just meet me here?"
"I’ll let you know," I said, and looked around the apartment knowing that I would never come there again.
"Anything else?"
"No."
"Come fuck me then." Qianna bent over the couch and I fucked her.
Hard.
When I was done, I got dressed, and got back to work in time for another boring meeting. At five o’clock, Winston stopped by the office and asked me if I wanted to get a drink. We used to go out for drinks after work all the time, but that was years ago. He still asks me everyday, and everyday, I turn him down. I saw no reason to do any different. "Not today, still got a lot of work to do."
At six o’clock I left there, and took my time going home. Taye was in the kitchen, cooking herself dinner, when I got there. She made eye contact to knowledge my presence, and continued what she was doing. I took a seat at the table and began talking.
I told her again that I was sorry about everything that has gone on, and promised again that I would never let anything like that touch her. I told her that we shouldn’t give up on treatment, and try to find another doctor that could reach her. Maybe they could prescribe something that she could take that could help her. I promised that we would to recommit to some type of treatment plan.
Once again, my words were met by deafening silence. When Taye finished eating, she got up from the table and went upstairs. I followed her. Taye went in the bedroom and began her nighttime ritual, while I continued to talk about getting help for her, about saving our marriage, about saving her life. That ended at eighty-thirty when Taye picked up her bottle of sleeping pills.