The Ex Talk

Shay: Related: what is a trucker party?

His replies come so quickly that I barely have time to set my phone down before it lights up again.

Dominic: I’m at home, so sadly, I may never find out.

Shay: It’s 8:30. Go out and do whatever the young folk are doing these days.

Dominic: But I’m already in my comfy sweats.

Shay: If you’re in comfy sweats at 8:30, you’re no longer allowed to make fun of me for being old.

Dominic: Fine, what are you wearing?

I choke on a sip of wine, and Steve glances up from the floor, as though to make sure I haven’t died. Not because he necessarily cares about me, but because I am his source of food. Once he’s confirmed I’m still alive, he returns to his toy.

Dominic: oh

Dominic: oh god

Dominic: I didn’t mean that the way it sounds

Dominic:

Shay: Good, because the answer would have been weird for both of us.

I’m not flirting. I swear.

Dominic: A sexy Gritty costume?

Shay: Damn it, you weren’t supposed to guess right on the first try.

He goes quiet for a while, and I return to my rosé like the millennial trash I am. Three dots appear, then disappear, then reappear. I overthink and overanalyze.

Dominic: You know what? You’ve convinced me. I’m young and sprightly. I’m going out.

Shay: No more comfy sweats?

Dominic: Comfy sweats off, party jeans on.

Shay: Ha. Have fun.

I stare down at the phone, wondering if my response doesn’t convey enough enthusiasm. I’m not entirely sure what I encouraged him to go out and do or what level of enthusiasm I should have about it. After a few more seconds of deliberation, I send a party hat emoji. That makes me feel a li

ttle better.

It’s an hour and a half later, once I’m getting in bed with a steamy romance novel and another glass of wine, that my phone buzzes again.

Dominic: have you ever wondered why pizzas come in square boxes even though they’re round

The lack of capital letters and punctuation is a dead giveaway. He’s got to be drinking.

Shay: UNSUBSCRIBE

Dominic: won’t work, I’m not asking you for money or to vote for me

Shay: Fine then. I assume it’s because it’s easier to make square boxes. And the square stops the pizza from sliding all over the place.

Dominic: so smart