The Ex Talk

“I truly thought I was done,” my mother says. “I’d been lucky enough to have one great big love, and that was it for me. I didn’t date. I didn’t make any online profiles or go on any apps, like some of my friends wanted me to. Five years passed, and they thought it was time for me to ‘get back out there.’ Seven years, and still nothing.” She shakes her head, and I want to tell her no one can see her doing that. “There was no getting back out there.”

“We were sitting right next to each other,” Phil says, “and we had no idea the other person was grieving the same way. For so many years.”

It’s at that moment that my eyes meet Dominic’s for the first time the whole episode. There’s a jolt in my chest that turns into a pang when he looks away first.

We take a few listener calls through the end. People want to talk to my mother, to Phil. A woman who lost her husband last month tells my mother how great it is to hear her so clearly happy. She says my mother gives her hope, and I wish we had more than an hour to talk about this. To listen to stories.

When we have a few minutes left on the clock, I gesture to where my mother and Phil’s violins are already set up and mic’d in the corner of the studio.

“Since we happen to be in the presence of two of Seattle Symphony’s finest,” I say, “we thought you two could play us out.”

The music is somber but not hopeless. Maybe I’ve never loved it, but my mother does, that’s clear. We’ll never have what I had with my dad, but we have something else.

Finally, the RECORDING sign blinks off. There’s a burst of applause from the adjoining studio in our headphones. Ruthie’s eyes are wet, and she asks both my mother and Phil for a hug. They’re happy to oblige.

When it’s over, I hate that the only person I want to celebrate with is Dominic.

And I hate even more how quickly he leaves the studio.

Apple Podcasts Reviews

Iconic duo

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I’ve listened to every episode three times, and I can’t stop humming the intro music. My friends are sick of it. My family is sick of it. Do I need professional help? MAYBE! Just give me more Shay + Dom.

Love love love

?????

I don’t know what I love more: Shay’s cautious optimism or Dominic’s endearing cynicism. Regardless, they’re *chef kiss* perfection together. Five hundred stars.

Insightful and empowering

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Fun podcast, surprisingly insightful. Taking off a star because the live calls sometimes drag on too long.

Garbage

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I tried so hard to like this, but their discussions are shallow and the hosts aren’t as charming as they think they are. Am I the only one who doesn’t care that they used to date? Why is that interesting? Hard pass.

otp

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if shay and dominic don’t somehow get back together, then i don’t believe in love anymore

29

That Friday, we hit the Apple Podcasts Top 100 again at slot number fifty-five, and I’m so relieved, so grateful, so proud that I could cry. I do, a little, in the women’s bathroom at lunch.

Even better, though, is that PodCon wants us in Austin next month. It’s a last-minute addition to their lineup, but still. We’ll be doing a live show, our very first, and we have a couple more big sponsors interested in coming on board. Dominic went pale when Kent announced it, and I remembered what he said about stage fright way back before our first episode. Well. He’ll just have to deal with it, even if part of me is desperate to reassure him.

All of it feels unreal, which makes it easier to forget that we built it on a lie. This is what I wanted, wasn’t it? I want to tell Ameena, but we’re still not talking. See? Of course I want this. How can my dad be holding me back if I’m going to PodCon? Maybe if she sees this evidence that proves her wrong, she’ll take back what she said.