It's Only Love (The Matthews Family)
Page 35
Lloyd looked at me carefully before electing to go and sit down in his chair. It wasn’t really his, it was mine, my daddy gave it to me, but naturally, Lloyd took it over like he do
es everything else. He said, ‘no matter where he was, every man needed his own chair’.
To which I said, “Whatever.”
As soon as his butt hit the cushion, I got to the point. “It’s over, Lloyd.”
“What is?”
“You and I, Lloyd. It’s over between us.”
He looked at me and after a while he started to laugh before telling me to take some Midol.
Take a pill; really?
And just like that I was once again demeaned, disempowered, disrespected.
“I mean it, it’s over. I can’t stay in this relationship with you any longer.”
“Okay, Natasha. Let’s say that I’m going to entertain this farce for a few moments, go ahead and tell me why?”
“Because you don’t want me, you want somebody who looks, walks, and talks like me. But you don’t want me.”
“Huh?”
He was kind of slow at times, so I broke it down for him.
“You want Natasha. You want the Natasha that looks a certain way gracing your arm. You want the Natasha that can conduct herself around your family and friends. And you want nasty Natasha to perform as needed. You know, to play the part.”
“I don’t see anything wrong with me wanting you to act like a lady should act.”
“I don’t either. The problem is that I’m more than that. I’m Natie, and you don’t want Natie.” I laughed. “You don’t even like her.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m a possession to you. Something you used when you need it and put away when you’re finished with it. And I realized that I don’t want to play that part anymore.”
Then his pompous look turned to one of total bewilderment. “You’re serious about this, aren’t you?”
“I know this may come as some surprise, Lloyd, but the truth is, we don’t have fun anymore, we don’t truly connect on any level, we just exist.”
“That’s not true. We have a lot in common and we have a lot of fun.”
“Doing what? Specifically.”
His mouth quickly opened. but no words came out. Then he stared at me for a second or two. “We’ve had lots of fun together.”
“That’s what I thought. Had; past tense. We used to have fun together, but now we just don’t, Lloyd,” I said pleadingly, hoping he’d see my point.
He was silent before asking the thing that I’d hoped he wouldn’t. “Is there someone else?”
“This isn’t about anyone else. This is about us. This is about us living the life we want. I’m not living my life. I’m living yours and it’s time for that to end.”
“You didn’t answer my question, Natasha,” he sneered. “Is there someone else?”
Even though there was someone else, this wasn’t about the man that I knew I could have all I wanted with. It wasn’t about how I could be who I really am with Victor.
No it wasn’t about that at all.