"That means you will do it. You _want_ to disgrace me! You do not _care_how you hurt me by holding this threat over my head so cruelly! You--"
"Lavinia, for heaven's sake!" he implored, pushing back his chair. "Calmyourself!" He knew she was about to fly into one of her sudden passions,and frowned with acute vexation.
"I will not! Oh yes, yes! You think me a shrew! I know! I know! But youneed not frown on me, sir, for you are worse! No, I will not hush. I ama horrid woman, yes, but you are a cheat--a cheat--a cheat!"
Carstares strode over to her.
"Lavinia!"
"No--no! Leave me alone! You make me miserable! You refuse me everythingthat I want most, and then you threaten to disgrace me--"
"That is untrue!" cried Richard, goaded into replying. "I will notpromise, that is all. What have I refused you that was within my meansto give you? God knows you try your best to ruin me--"
"There! There! 'Tis _I_ who am to blame! Pray, did you not induce mylord to leave his money to John when you knew he would have willed itall to you an you had kept silence? You took no thought to me--"
"For heaven's sake, Lavinia, be still! You do not know what you aresaying!"
She pressed her hands to her hot cheeks.
"No--I am unreasonable! I know it, but don't _tell_ me so, for I cannotbear it! And don't look reproach at me, Richard! You drive me mad, Itell you!" She was sweeping up and down the room like some caged animal,lashing herself to a worse fury.
"Say something, Richard! _Do_ something! Don't stand there so quietly!Oh, you should never have married me! I displease you, and you make meworse; and you do not see how 'tis that I cannot live without pleasure,and money! I am despicable? Yes, yes, but what are you? Oh, why did youtell me you cheated _after_ you had wedded me?" Angry sobs escaped her;her handkerchief was in shreds upon the floor.
Carstares turned his back to her, that she might not see how she hadcontrived to hurt him, and the movement drove her to fresh fury.
"Don't do that! Don't! Don't! You make me worse by your dreadfulsilence! Oh, if you really loved me!"
"You cannot doubt that!" he cried out, wheeling suddenly round. "Youknow how I love you! Don't you?" He gripped her by the shoulders andswung her to face him.
She trembled and gave a sobbing little laugh. As suddenly as it hadcome, her anger left her.
"Oh, yes, yes! You do love me, Dicky?" She twined her arms about hisneck and shrank closer.
"God help me, yes!" he groaned, thrusting her away. "And you--you carefor no one save yourself!"
"No! No!" she cried, pressing up to him again. "Do not say that, Dick.Indeed, I love you, but I cannot live without gaiety--you know Icannot. Oh, I do not doubt but what I am very selfish, but 'tis the wayI am fashioned, and I cannot change my nature. And now I have hurt you,and I did not mean to! I did not mean to!"
"My dear, I know you did not; but try to be less a child, I beg of you!You are so uncontrolled, so--"
"I knew you would say that," she answered in a dead voice. "You do notunderstand me. You expect me to be good, and patient, and forbearing,and I tell you 'tis not in my nature."
"But, Lavinia, you can control your passions," he said gently.
"No! I cannot! We Belmanoirs--as God made us, so we are--and He made usspendthrift, and pleasure-loving, and mad!" She walked slowly to thedoor. "But you do not understand, and you try to make me staid, andthoughtful, and a good mother, when I am dying for _life_, andexcitement, and care not that for housewifery!" She opened the doorslowly. "And now my head aches, and you look grave and say 'tis mywicked temper, when I want you to be sorry, and to be ready to doanything to comfort me. Why can you not take me to London, when you knowhow I long to be there, instead of in this gloomy house with nought todo, save mind my child and my needle? I am so tired of it all! So verytired of it all!"
She would have left the room then, but he detained her.
"Wait, Lavinia! You say you are unhappy?"
She released the door handle and fluttered her hands expressively.
"Unhappy? No, I am dull. I am ill-tempered. I am discontented. I amaught you please, so do not be sad, Richard. I cannot bear you to besolemn. Oh, why do we quarrel?" With one of her impulsive movements shewas again at his side, with her beautiful face upturned. "Love me,Richard! Take me to London and never mind an I _do_ squander your money.Say you do not care! Say that nothing matters so long as I am happy! Whydo you not say it? Does anything matter? Don't be prudent, Dicky! Bewild! Be reckless! Be anything rather than grave and old!" Her armscrept up to his coaxingly. "Take me to London!"
Carstares smoothed the soft hair back from her forehead, very tenderly,but his eyes were worried.
"My dear, I will take you, but not just yet. There is so much to be donehere. If you will wait a little longer--"
"Ah,