My heart, though… It feels everything I can’t live without.
I tip my head back, gazing up at Kaleb as he stares down at us, having finished the lightbulb.
“He’s your number one,” I hear Noah say. “He’s not supposed to be the one you spend your life with, right?”
Tiernan
Two Months Later
I look down at the toilet paper and see red spotting, my shoulders instantly relaxing as I let out a breath.
Thank God. I laugh to myself and quickly finish up, three days of worry finally ending.
I knew I should’ve gotten an implant. I’ve been taking my birth control, but it’s not as effective as other methods, and being a teen mom is not where I want to be right now. The press and Chapel Peak would have a heyday if I came off this mountain pregnant.
I’m not sure how Kaleb would take it, either.
It’s late April, the property is still covered in snow, but the days are warmer and there are patches of grass. Jake is working on the roads now.
The last two months since we brought Kaleb home have been…like a dream. After Noah got on my case that day in February, I put it all out of my mind and decided to enjoy what time we had left here. The seclusion, the peace, and the long nights. I’ve never slept better or been this happy, my nightmares—or night terrors—having stopped long ago. Kaleb and I read, we all watch movies and play cards, and I taught Noah how to waltz in the living room on St. Patrick’s Day. I’ve climbed trees, learned how to make a belt, and taught myself how to update Van der Berg Extreme’s website.
I’ve even gotten pretty good on the dirt bikes.
We should be able to rejoin the world soon, though, and I’ve never wanted time to pass so slowly. Decisions will need to be made, and I haven’t wanted this day to come.
I head out of the bathroom and up to our room on the third floor, hugging myself in my long-sleeved T-shirt as chills spread down my legs, bare in my sleep shorts.
Mirai is coming tonight, and I’ve been working on making sure the house looks as clean and nice as possible, so she doesn’t have a reason to pick a fight with Jake. If she’s able to make it up here, that is. If he can’t get the roads cleared, she’ll be holed up in a motel in town and have to wait it out.
At least I’m not pregnant, though. And if I were, at least I wouldn’t be showing yet. Kaleb and I are on each other every day, sometimes more than once, and I’ve been lucky my birth control hasn’t failed. My period being three days late gave me a good scare.
I stop in front of the long mirror I had moved up from my room and turn sideways, running my hand over my stomach. The fitted, white T-shirt is flat and smooth over my tummy, but for a few scary days, I thought part of Kaleb might be in there. Part of Kaleb and me.
I lift up my shirt, envision my belly growing with his kid and trying to ignore the way my body warms at the thought, because I shouldn’t want that. It’s so cliché. Baby makes three and happily-ever-after.
I’d love to have his child, though. Someday. I’d love to be his forever and see him as a father.
I close my eyes, shaking my head at myself, because I know the truth. I only want his kid, because I’m not sure I have him. If I got pregnant, I wouldn’t have to make any decisions, because my fate would be sealed, and I’d stay. No need to stress.
Pounding and thuds suddenly hit the stairs, and Noah and Kaleb come rushing through the door, tumbling onto the floor and laughing. I freeze, my shirt still up and my hands still on my stomach.
Their laughter die
s down, and they lift their heads, looking up at me and taking me in.
I quickly pull my shirt down.
Kaleb climbs to his feet, staring at me and not blinking, and Noah rises, standing there in limbo for a moment before he finally decides to leave.
Kaleb’s eyes drop to my stomach.
“I’m not,” I tell him. “I was just…playing around.”
He thins his eyes on me, and I still see uncertainty there.
“My period was late,” I explain. “I got it this morning. I was just…thinking about…what it… would be… like. I’m…” I run a hand through my hair. “I’m stupid.”
I laugh nervously, caught. I was fantasizing, and now he’s probably worried I’ll sabotage my birth control.