“You weren’t.” I had to agree from a purely factual level. “I thought you trusted me. We promised. I’m not ever going to break a promise I made you.”
“I do trust you. I do. I just…I let my fear get the better of me.” He rubbed circles on my biceps, a warm touch that went a long way toward melting my confused jumble of emotions.
“And I did kind of…blindside you.” I didn’t know how else to apologize for blurting out the l-word.
“Maybe a little. But that’s not such a bad thing. I had some time to think, and perhaps that’s what scared me the most. Knowing that I really did want you to win and then believing that you wanted that for me too. Realizing what that meant, what’s between us. I didn’t want to feel that way. I don’t want to l—” His voice trailed off abruptly, as if the word itself was painful, as if he couldn’t let himself say it, let alone believe in it. “I don’t want to feel for you.”
“It’s okay if you don’t.” I tried to sound firm, not defensive. The last thing I wanted was to guilt him into some sort of declaration.
“I do though. I…care for you. So much.” Pulling me closer, he claimed my mouth in a tender kiss. As usual with us, what started as soft and slow quickly ramped up until we both were breathing hard. “Sorry,” he whispered between kisses. “So sorry.”
“Not mad. I forgive you,” I said against his lips, surprised at how true it was, but I couldn’t carry a grudge against him. I knew I maybe should have made him work harder at an apology, but I just didn’t have it in me. Maybe he couldn’t say the words, but I believed him that he cared. Believed him that he’d been scared, and I couldn’t fault him for that. No matter where we went from here, I didn’t want to stay angry at him. “And it all worked out. You won.”
Frowning, he stepped back. “That is not all that matters. Not to me. Knowing you were there, cheering for me, that meant everything, but I’d rather have you than that trophy over there.”
“You’ve got me.” My voice was thick. He might never know how completely I meant those words. “And you would have had me if you’d lost too. I meant more… You came back. You didn’t let the fear beat you. You came back to play. Came back to me.”
I had to look away in order to get all that out, and he cupped my face, brought our lips together. “Always.”
If all our earlier kisses had been little peeks at how good things could be between us, this one was an oracle, a glimpse of a less-than-certain future, but one I wanted desperately. It was the sort of kiss that made everything else fade away—food, water, shelter, nothing else mattered except that kiss. There was little I wouldn’t give up to be able to keep kissing him. Wrapping my arms around his strong shoulders, I clung to him, let the kiss burn past all the doubt and uncertainty of the last few hours until there was only heat and need.
“Need…” he panted against my lips. “We need to talk.”
“We did.” I tried to pull him down for another kiss.
“More, I mean. I need to tell you—”
“Later.” I had a feeling he was going to tell me about winning a spot on the pro tour, and that was a conversation I just wasn’t ready for, not when we’d just made up, not when my heart was so full of his tender words. I wasn’t ready to have that all snatched away from me or to get bogged down in depressing logistics. No. There was a moment here, and I was going to seize it.
I claimed his mouth again, swallowing his protest until he was groaning. “Okay, okay. You win.”
“Maybe we both do.” God, I hoped I was right, and I had to kiss him again before the doubts rose up.
Eventually, we staggered toward the closest bed, still kissing, losing clothing in the process, until we were lying together, and it felt like it had been years, not hours since I’d felt his skin like this.
“Wait,” I managed to gasp as his hands got the sort of adventurous I dearly loved.
“Wait?” He frowned down at me, balanced on his forearm. “This isn’t good?”
“This is awesome,” I assured him. Crap. He wasn’t making this easy. “I…uh…earlier… I bought…stuff. If you want to…you know.”
He blinked. “Getting you to say the words might be even more fun than the doing.” Laughing, he lightly tickled me before sobering. “But we don’t have to. Plenty of people don’t go there, even when they’ve been together a long time. And not everyone likes it.”