Out of Character (True Colors 2)

Maybe there was something I could do. Something more than simply playing Neptune, which was more about his group. Something for him. It was strange the way he made me want to take care of him. But it wasn’t really a nurturing sort of feeling. Like, I wasn’t turning into my mom. More like I wanted him to ask—to demand something from me, something that only I could give him. Not for the first time, an erotic parade of images danced through my brain. There wasn’t much I didn’t want to give him. He wouldn’t ever ask, of course, but that didn’t stop me from wanting.

“There you are!” Almost like my fevered thoughts had conjured him, Jasper came striding toward us.

“That was fast.” Heck. No way had he pulled out a win that quickly, but I didn’t want to let my disappointment show.

“Yup.” Then Jasper grinned, and I drank in his smile like I was chugging down electrolytes after a two-hour match. I might never get enough of seeing him beam.

“You won?”

“You doubted?”

“Nah.” I went to clap him on the shoulder, but both the memory of earlier and Eugene’s speculative look had me pulling back before I could touch him.

“Liar. And I missed a top-eight finish by five points!” Jasper bounced on his feet, all but dancing. He was so damn excited. And it was for me. It was humbling. I’d spent so much of my life being a selfish ass, while Jasper was the opposite. He did so much for others, and it seemed to genuinely make him happy. But unlike his sister and the kids at the hospital, I wasn’t so sure I was worthy of that much goodness.

“Wow.” I wanted to tell him thank you, but not with an audience. And even those words wouldn’t be enough to describe everything happening in my brain.

“Come on. Let’s go check out the prize wall.” Jasper tugged on my arm before he seemed to realize that we were all but holding hands right there. He dropped his hand, but I didn’t need any enticement to follow him anyway.

“Pick out something pretty.” Eugene laughed as he waved us away.

I followed Jasper, but my head was still a churning cement mixer of weighty feels. I wanted to be bouncy like Jasper, but the not-worthy feeling kept rising to the top of the mix.

“Maybe you should…” I finally mumbled.

“Should what?” Slowing down, Jasper turned toward me.

“Should pick out something for yourself.” Unable to meet his gaze, I studied the carpet, tried to catalog all the various shades of brown.

“Hey, a deal’s a deal. What’s with the sudden attack of guilt?” As always, Jasper wasn’t afraid to call me on my bullshit. And yeah, that’s what it was. Guilt. Obviously, I wanted the cards, but I also didn’t want to keep being a crap human.

“I don’t want to use you,” I mumbled. “I mean, clearly I need your help. But…”

“But?” Jasper stepped closer, almost as if he were about to touch me.

With want gathering low in my belly, my hands clenched and unclenched. “You worked super hard today. Thank you.”

Jasper exhaled hard, like I’d whacked him again. Emotions skittered across his face, but none I could label. Then, almost like he’d come to some unspoken conclusion, he nodded. “Well, I had appropriate motivation. And thank you.”

“I mean it. I appreciate this.”

“Good.” Jasper resumed his journey to the big booth at the back of the room. “Remember that come the costume ball.”

“I will.” I wasn’t supposed to look forward to wearing the costume with a room full of bigwigs, but the ball no longer seemed like such a punishment.

“Oh, heck.” Jasper’s face fell before I could finish sorting myself out. He pointed at the glass case at the front of the booth. “Only one of the two cards they advertised is left.”

Crap. To have had him play so hard and come up short sucked. I gave him an awkward pat on the arm. “It’s okay. One is better than none.”

“Yeah. Here’s what I’m going to do.” Jasper rubbed his hands together. He was so damn good at not getting knocked down long. “I’ll get the one Frog Court card, then I’ll use the remaining points on another premium rare. We can hope to maybe turn it into another card for you via a swap or something down the road.”

“We? You’re going to keep helping me?” I’d been worried all day that this was as far as his assistance went. I couldn’t ask him to keep giving up time to help me with my quest. But if he was offering…

“Guess this quest is growing on me.” Jasper’s crooked smile took all my anxiety and made it into something far warmer.

“Good.” I couldn’t help but hope that I was growing on him too, softening his dislike, redeeming myself in some way.