“Need…” he panted against my lips.
“Anything.” Joy coursed through me because this I could give him, this I could do and apparently do well enough to have him groaning, eyes fluttering shut. Watching his face was like reading cue cards, learning what worked and getting instantly rewarded for my efforts.
“It’s too good.”
“No such thing.” I managed a laugh that ended on a moan as he did something new with his thumb.
“Gonna…”
“Me too.” My whole body shuddered as he claimed my mouth for another kiss, this one desperate and seeking.
“Yes.” Our groans mingled as our bodies tensed. The whole world burned bright, everything illuminated but also every detail reduced to simply this moment, this beautiful, bright second when together we were more than I’d ever been alone.
“Milo.” Eyes blinking open but still breathing hard, Jasper touched my face almost as if he were seeing it for the first time.
“I’m here.” My ability to make sense, however, was not. But what I wanted to say was that this was real, not imagination, and the fact that I was here seemed to be the single most startling thing in my whole life.
“We’re kind of a mess.” He gave a shaky laugh.
“Luckily, you like mess.” My grin was probably rather dorky, but I was too happy to care. “And it’s mainly on us, not your bedding or your nine hundred pillows.”
“Hey, don’t knock my pillows.” Still laughing, Jasper stretched, managing to retrieve a towel from his dresser without leaving the bed. “I like studying in bed. They keep me comfy.”
“Yeah, well, you have me to cuddle with tonight.” I accepted the towel and followed his lead in cleaning up. “Maybe a few of your stuffed friends could hang out on the chair you’re not going to be using.”
“Okay, okay.” Jasper tossed two at the chair in the corner, then I did the same, and then we both collapsed in a fit of laughter because it was like a very silly, very naked pillow fight. I took advantage of having a little more room in the bed to tickle him lightly until he was back on top of me, pinning my hands down.
“You’re mean.” He chuckled and his eyes danced, but my chest tightened.
“No, I’m not. Not anymore. I don’t want to be mean ever again.”
His expression sobered before he brushed a soft kiss over my mouth. “I believe you. Even though I probably shouldn’t. But I want to believe that you’ve changed.”
“I have. I am. Feels like one of those videos where they go from black and white to color to make a point. Like…the old me didn’t even have a clue as to how much he was missing, not really. But now I’ve seen what could be possible, and there’s no way I want to go back to a grayscale life.”
“It’s not going to be easy.”
“Nothing worth having ever is.” I echoed one of Bruno’s favorite sayings as my pulse sped up again. Jasper was right. This wasn’t going to be simple. Or easy. I could still end up screwed. And I still had to deal with all the dumb stuff the old me had done. Wanting to change didn’t mean I was going to be able to leave any of that behind. All I could do was hope my past wouldn’t steal my present before I had a chance to enjoy it. But there was also no way I wasn’t going to take this chance. And if I gambled big enough, maybe my future would actually be worth having.
Chapter Twenty-One
Jasper
“I could get used to you being my alarm clock.” I blinked over my shoulder at Milo. My actual alarm had gone off, too, but Milo’s soft kisses were far more welcome than any chime. We’d fooled around again before sleep, and never had I been so grateful for my attached postage-stamp-sized ancient bathroom. Senior perks and all that. And judging by Milo’s smirk, we’d be needing my pitiful supply of hot water again. Soon.
He dropped another kiss on my bare shoulder. “It’s a hard job, but someone has to do it.”
“Well, something’s hard…” I snuggled into him. We really should have slept in clothes in case of something like a dorm-wide fire drill, but Milo was a freaking furnace and I’d barely needed a blanket. Bliss.
“Dork. Should we get up?” He didn’t seem in any particular hurry, stroking his big palm down my torso, but his voice was also far too alert for the early hour. I hadn’t been up this early on a Sunday in a couple of years.
“You totally grew up and became an annoying morning person, didn’t you?”
“Eh. I’m a work-whatever-shift-they-give-me person and a hope-insomnia-finds-someone-else-to-bug-soon person. But I don’t hate mornings.” Milo got a little bolder with his explorations, hand dipping lower. “Especially like this.”
“This is good.” I made a noise that was somewhere between a squeak and a groan as he pulled me closer.