Out of Character (True Colors 2)

Laughing, Milo pulled away and made a show of going back to drawing. “That’s going to end with no drawing and pencils and popcorn in weird places.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute when you’re all strict and serious.” I flopped back on the bed and tried to hold the position at least. It was kind of cool that he wanted to draw me, even if staying still had never been my strong suit.

“Not sure anyone’s ever accused me of being serious.” Milo bit his lip as his pencil flew over the page.

“They don’t know you.” But I did. I’d seen the serious kid who could obsess over minute Lego details for hours, and I’d seen the man now who didn’t smile nearly enough and who thought to fold his toga before losing his virginity because of course he did. He was Milo. And under the whole jock facade, there was a warehouse of seriousness.

“True.” Milo’s smile was faint before his gaze went more distant. “I wish…”

“What?” Anyone who didn’t think Milo could be serious didn’t know his talent for brooding. And being hard on himself.

“Nothing. Just that I wish I’d valued being understood more than being popular and anonymous.”

As if one of the best-looking guys in our year could have ever been anonymous. But I got what Milo was saying—being with the jocks and popular crowd had let him stay hidden, maybe even from himself. “Perhaps you weren’t ready to be seen.”

“Yeah.” Milo exhaled, pencil coming to a halt again, point snapping. “You’re right. And even now, it’s…”

“Scary?” I was still proud of him for dancing with me at the ball, pushing his comfort zone that far.

“Yeah.” He didn’t meet my gaze as he resharpened his pencil.

“But worth it?” I reached out and tilted his face up.

“Oh, yeah.” He leaned in for another kiss. “Especially the fringe benefits.”

“Orgasms make everything better,” I said with authority as I resumed my pose.

“They do.” He was quiet for a few moments as he worked on his drawing, humming along with the song playing on my speakers. “Jasper?”

I had started to drift off a little, but the sound of my name had me lifting my head. “Yeah?”

“Is sex always this good? Like, no matter who you do it with?”

“No. God, no. I wish. But no. This is…well, maybe not rare, but the exception, not the rule. And special. It’s different with each person, but with you…yeah, special.” I was babbling, trying not to reveal how much better this was than anything that had come before it for me and how much of that had to do with the almost terrifying intensity of my feelings for him.

“I’m glad.” He gave me a warm smile before turning more thoughtful. “It…uh…hasn’t always been good for you?”

I gave a harsh laugh. He was too perceptive as always. “Sex is weird. Like, when it’s good, it’s spectacular. And when it’s bad…well, it sucks. And not in the fun way. I think almost everyone ends up having bad sex at some point in college. Probably a rite of passage.”

I was aiming for a worldly tone, but judging by Milo’s deep frown, I didn’t quite hit the mark.

“Doesn’t matter if it happens a lot. It still sucks. And I hate that it happened to you.” Milo reached out and rubbed my leg.

“You’re sweet. And it wasn’t that bad.” I made a vague gesture, like that alone could tell my memories to go take a hike.

Milo went back to the drawing, but the past lingered in the room, a weird unspoken tension, until finally he gently said, “Want to tell me about it?”

And surprisingly, I sort of did. I didn’t like talking about unpleasant things—being the fun, upbeat guy everyone needed was way easier, but maybe Milo’s seriousness was rubbing off on me.

“Well, before I figured out that I like having regular boyfriends more than hookups, I did have a few hookups freshman year that made me feel like crap. Good lesson.”

Milo frowned. “I’d like to teach the other people a lesson, all right.”

“You’re cute jealous. But put your inner caveman away. I’m just saying it’s way better with someone you…care about.”

“I’m sure.” Rubbing my leg again, Milo gave me a tender look that made me shiver with all the things we very carefully were not saying.

Milo’s tenderness gave me the courage to keep going. “And sober. You’re not the only one who’s got regrets in that respect. I was a little drunk the first time I bottomed, and so was the other guy. It was fast and rather uncomfortable and then I never saw him again.”

“He hurt you.” Growling, Milo totally looked ready to do battle on my behalf.

“Not that way, not really.” Actually, the physical discomfort had been not insignificant, but I didn’t need Milo any more indignant. Also, the lack of prep and advance conversations paled in comparison to my embarrassment later. “Oh well. Live and learn.”