Out of Character (True Colors 2)

Jasper was quick to cut me off. “He wasn’t terr—”

“Yeah, he kinda was.” I appreciated him trying to be tactful, but I was done with dancing around the facts. “It’s okay. We can say it now. He was narrow-minded and mean. And yeah we built that car together and not all my memories are bad, but that’s okay. I’ll keep the good times. Now I’m going to use what he left me to have the life I want—need, even if it’s not one he would have agreed with.”

“Okay.” Jasper nodded like he’d finished a page of equations and was happy with the solution, even if it wasn’t the one he’d wanted. “So you’ll sell it then?”

“Yup.” As I said it aloud, a weight rolled off me, like leaving all my winter gear behind to enjoy spring and summer. I was free.

“You were so sure that I’d object that you couldn’t tell me the plan back at the store?” There was no mistaking the hurt in Jasper’s voice, and I didn’t blame him. Walking away had been a dick move on my part.

“That and I thought I wanted to be alone to do this. Solve everything on my own, and then come to you with it all fixed. Be more worthy of you. But then my leg started to ache on the walk here—”

“Oh crap.” Jasper flipped from justifiably annoyed at me to worried. “Do you need—”

“It’s fine.” I waved off his concern. “And then this car passed me, full of rowdy teenagers. A soda can landed right near my feet.”

“I should have—”

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I’m the one who left. My point is that I was cold and my leg hurt and these kids were laughing at me out the window. And then I thought, ‘What the hell am I doing here?’ Because if I was trying to make a point about how I could do it all on my own, I was doing a shit job at it.”

“Wanting to be self-sufficient isn’t a bad goal. I get that desire. I do.” Jasper was so earnest, I very nearly had to kiss him again, but I wasn’t done yet.

“Thanks. But what I realized in that moment was that I was acting exactly like my dad would have. Angry. Storming off alone. Insisting on no help.”

“Oh, Milo.”

“But maybe there’s a better way. Maybe I don’t have to do it entirely on my own.” I exhaled hard, because this was tricky, the balance between being needy and being resourceful, between being a loner and being independent, and between being stubborn and being smart. Even now I wasn’t sure I had it right.

“You don’t have to do it all. But I don’t think you’re in the wrong for wanting to. And I was trying to take over a bit. I get why you needed me to back off.” Jasper’s expression was as earnest as I had seen it as he held my gaze. “You’re not your dad. You’re never going to be your dad. You’re a way better person and always have been.”

“Maybe not always.” Unable to keep looking at him, I studied my scuffed shoe.

“No, I mean it.” Jasper tilted my chin up with his fingers. “Unlike him, you’ve owned up to your mistakes.”

“I’m trying.” I met his determined gaze, wanting to convey how much it meant that he believed in me.

“You’re doing a good job.”

“Thanks.” That did it. I had to give him another kiss, this one more lingering. “And maybe it’s okay to admit when I need help.”

“And when you don’t. It needs to be your plan.”

“Yeah.” I nodded.

“So tell me what the plan is and how I can help. I want to help.” Jasper squeezed my arm.

“I figured I’d wait until morning, then take the car to my dad’s friend, the one storing Bruno’s car, find out what a fair price would be, hope I don’t get screwed—”

“Is this the part where I can offer help?” Jasper was practically bouncing next to me, a sure sign that he’d had a big idea.

“You can offer to help.”

“I might not be a car guy, but I am an expert at pricing rare items and at research. I can make sure you’re getting a good deal. If you want, I mean.”

“I want.” I kissed his temple. “I do want your help, and I want you.”

That little speech earned me another kiss from him. The paver was cold under my butt and the air still nippy, but things were heating up right where they counted. In Jasper’s parents’ yard. In the middle of the night. Oops. I pulled away, breathing hard, and he laughed.

“And we can cross-check my research with Professor Tuttle tonight. He knows classic cars. If that’s okay.”

“It’s okay. What I realized is I don’t have to do it all on my own and neither do you.”