Poor Shane. He might be about to get one parent back and lose another. This is going to be really difficult for him, he will need someone. A man like that probably has lots of friends, people who can take care of him, he doesn’t need a woman that he doesn’t even like anymore coming to his rescue…
So, why do I feel such an intense pull in his direction?
There’s an itch underneath my butt, urging me to get up. I haven’t known where Shane is for a very long time, I haven’t been able to communicate with him, but now I do. I know that road, I did some filming nearby there when I was Maria. I could easily go and see him for a few moments.
Oh, what the hell do I think is going to happen? Will he accept me into his arms and love me fully? Will everything that’s come before just fade into nothingness and we can just go on as we were? Not a chance… I should just leave it and stay here where I’m safe.
But should I really give up the chance to say sorry? To explain myself?
Ring, ring…
The sound of my phone makes me jump. I grab it rapidly and hit the answer button. “Hello?”
“Tia, darling, it’s me,” the director replies. “I hope you have had enough time to look through the script.”
Fucking hell, real life. Why does that have to creep up on me right now? “Oh, I have.”
“And, what do you think? I’m trying to get all of the arrangements sorted out…”
Iceland. I really need to make a decision about God damn Iceland already. “I… I…” I should accept, but I cannot quite find the words to do so. “I don’t know. I need to sort some stuff out first.”
“I need an answer today; I cannot hold back any longer.”
“I will call you back,” I shoot back decisively. “Within the next hour, I will have my answer then.”
It probably isn’t enough for him but for now it shall have to do. I hang up and race to the bedroom to get dressed. The quicker I get to Shane the easier my choice will be. I already told myself right in the beginning that I couldn’t leave until I have at least seen him, and now this is my last chance. My only opportunity left.
I pull on leggings and grab a T-shirt before switching it for a dress. I don’t care how I’m seen on TV, they have already shown me at my worst over and over again, I just want to look okay. For him. Sure, he’s seen me at my worst too, but this moment will either be the beginning or the end.
“Right.” I nod determinedly. “Time to go. Don’t even think about it.”
As soon as I think about it, I give myself the chance to talk myself out of it, and I really don’t want to do that. This is my last chance, and if I don’t take it up I will always ask myself ‘what if’. I have enough regrets. I don’t want more to add to the list. I need to grab life by the balls and just give it a chance.
I race out of my home and grab the first cab I see. I reel off the address of where I need to go and watch impatiently as the world passes me by. I can’t sit still in my seat. I wiggle my leg anxiously, desperate to be there already. I just hope that by the time I arrive everything has been resolved and it’s all over. With everyone safe.
“Oh look,” the driver finally declares as we get close. “Something must be going on here. I can’t get through.”
Of course, the police have blocked most of the area off. Not that it will stop me. “I can walk.”
I hand him some notes, and slide out of the car, my heart racing. The driver yells something to me as I go, but I don’t listen. All I can think about is him. Shane Valentine. He’s so near I can feel him. I pound my feet along the concrete until I reach the balling crowds of people. It isn’t easy for me to get through all the interested people wanting to know what’s going on, but I force my way. I get bruised and abused as I go, but I don’t let that stop me. I need to be close enough for Shane to be able to see me. Only then can a decision be made.
“She’s out,” someone screams, causing the crowd to erupt. That’s a good moment for me to duck and dive, to really make my way forward. Everyone is too consumed in the positive news that Lady Saffron Jones is free.
I am too, really glad that nothing happened to her.