It was so thrilling to see my name on a chair. It made me feel more important than I ever have done before. How can people from back home not think that I’m doing well here? I wish they’d try to understand it, but the need isn’t as desperate as it once was. Now, I have the family that I’m creating here.
“We’re near the front,” Shane immediately whispered to me. “That has to be a good sign.”
“A good sign for what?” I hissed back, taking one of the glasses of wine being offered to me.
“For you winning. You don’t have far to go to reach the stage. I doubt you’ll even trip up.”
“Oh, stop it.” That makes me ice cold and nervous. “I don’t want to think about that, I told you.”
“I know, but I’m just going to say that it’s a good job you practiced. You remember it, right?”
But I refused to get sucked in. I wouldn’t take it. I couldn’t listen because it would get me too excited. Shane wouldn’t let it go, though. All night long he has been making comments about it and that made me increasingly anxious. I can barely sit still anymore. My leg keeps shaking nervously underneath the table. I guess his words have affected me more than I thought that they would, and now I’m all shuddery.
“Don’t worry,” he whispers to me, resting his hand on my thigh. “It will be fine.”
I smile at him but I can’t let any words come out. I’m afraid that as soon as I speak, everything will spill out. I might even vomit and that really isn’t how I want to be remembered at my very first award ceremony. First of hopefully many, but it could be the only one I’m ever invited to. I need it to go well.
“Your category will be up in a moment.” He squeezes my leg. “Then it will be done.”
Yeah, he’s right about that. As soon as I know for sure either way I can relax and enjoy the rest of the evening without the tension rolling over me. I’m looking forward to that actually.
“Okay, sure.” I nod. “I can do that. I can hold it together… I think.”
I take his hand in mine and squeeze it tightly. He moves away from me but I don’t let him go. I need him now more than ever. Especially when the announcement comes for the award that I have been nominated for. The names of the other actresses are read out with a clip of their acting shown, and mine comes last. Pride washes over me as I see myself up there. It might not be my best role, I’m sure I have acted better in other movies, but that was what I would class as my big break. I’m proud that I have done all of this. By myself as well. I have achieved more than I ever dared to hope for.
“And the winner is…” The whole room falls in to silence, me most of all. I forget that I need to look cool, calm, and in control. Eagerness gets the better of me, I can’t help myself. “Tia Cooke.”
My ears buzz, my brain nearly explodes, I cannot believe what I am hearing. This is ridiculous. It must all be in my head. It has to be. There is no way I have actually won this award. It’s impossible. It takes Shane to push me off my seat to actually walk forwards towards the stage. My body rushes in to shock.
I somehow manage to make it upon to the stage and I take the award off the guy handing it to me. Then the microphone is shoved underneath my nose. Luckily Shane and I did practice my speech over and over again because it’s drilled into my brain. I don’t have the chance to go completely blank.
“Thank you so much for this,” I gasp out, my shock evident in my tone. “Obviously I wasn’t expecting to win with all those amazing actresses in the same category as me, but I have and I can’t believe it.” I look at the award with tears shining in my eyes. “I’m so damn grateful for it. It’s amazing. I have worked hard to get to this point, but I still thought that all the odds were against me, yet here I am.”
I then go on to thank everyone who has helped me on my journey, leaving out the names of everyone who definitely didn’t, like Rae. She was good in the beginning, but what she did to me afterwards could have destroyed me. Thankfully, it didn’t and I’m still standing tall and very strong.
In the end, I add in an extra bit that I didn’t rehearse with my boyfriend. I did by myself though. Just in case.