When Kennedy told me that I would be coming to stay here until I finish out the remainder of my senior year of high school, I was excited and equally nervous. I knew there would be no avoiding Knox then. Of course he took the seat right next to mine at the table.
“So how was your first day?” Kennedy asks as she passes a bowl of mashed potatoes around the table.
“It was good. Not really anything new going on,” Faith answers her.
Ace sits beside her, his arm draped around the back of her chair. I didn’t think two people could actually be in love in high school. It sounds a bit far-fetched. Ace and Faith have me eating those words because they’ve been a thing since they were little kids. It’s sweet. Especially the way he is always watching out for her. It makes me want things that I shouldn’t. I need to focus on my future and building a life for myself. I have to protect myself. I don’t want to long for something I might never have.
“Middle school is lame,” Grant huffs before shoving a giant bite of steak into his mouth. The little boy looks every inch of Oz except for his eyes. Those are all Kennedy.
“It really is.” Faith agrees with him.
“No one had anything interesting happen today?” Kennedy pushes. I wonder if it’s a bit awkward because of me being here. I met everyone at the table before today except for Knox.
“I heard Knox got in a fight,” Grant says.
“Gossip that shitty in middle school that you have to fish for high school gossip?” Knox responds.
“Those boys came after Knox first.” Kennedy is quick to defend him.
I stiffen as a heap of mashed potatoes hits my plate, taking me by surprise. Knox is piling my plate with enough to feed the entire table. I’ll never be able to finish it all. I still have no idea what to make of him. He seems so different from the boy I ran into this afternoon. The one who was so quick to cut me down.
He said he was sorry, I remind myself. That doesn't change the fact that I still feel on edge around him. He’s unpredictable and hard to read. The two things I grew up dealing with when it came to my mom and whoever she was dating or married to at the time.
“Thanks,” I mutter as everyone’s attention falls to Knox and me. I stare down at my plate and keep picking at my food, suddenly feeling shy now that everyone is staring at us.
I stay quiet for most of the meal unless asked a direct question. I know it’s not any of them that are making me feel awkward. They’ve been nothing but welcoming. But I don’t belong here, nor do I fit.
“You’re not eating,” Knox says. His voice is low for only my ears to hear as everyone else is still talking.
“I’m fine.” Knox is so confusing. None of the things I overheard when Faith and I got back here after school helped either. He has been in and out of juvie a few times. The last time was very bad. He’d almost beaten a man to death. He’s still on probation for that. As long as he keeps his nose clean, it will be washed away from his record after he graduates.
“You guys should hear Whitney sing. She sounds like what I think an angel would.” Kennedy beams at me. Everyone’s eyes come to me. I swear I want to crawl under the table to hide. “Did you have choir today?”
“Yes, but we didn’t do much.”
“I know you’re going to be the star of the choir. Mr. Barton didn’t know what to do with himself when he listened to the recording I made of you.”
A recording she snuck. I often sing to the kids at the center. Kennedy ended up recording me one day and taking it to Mr. Barton. I should probably be thankful. It was the reason I got into Montgomery Hall Prep school.
“Thank you.” I take another bite of my food. Faith fills the silence, and the conversations go from there. I stay mostly quiet, chiming in when someone speaks to me directly. Watching them all together as a family is a bit surreal. The way they laugh and tease each other shows the love they have for each other. It makes my chest ache. I can’t even remember a time my mom and I sat down at a table and had dinner together.
When dinner is over, Knox snags my plate, taking it into the kitchen for me. I slip out, going up to my new bedroom. I almost feel like I’m impeding on their family time. I see that the few boxes of my things I had at the shelter are now sitting outside of my bedroom. Kennedy must have had someone bring them over.