Ascended (War of the Covens 3)

20

Save Me from Myself

Jaeden held out her hand toward the plate as it hovered in the air, kept under tight control with her telekinesis. With a wave of satisfaction, she flicked her wrist, sending the china careening into the nearest tree. She smiled humorlessly as the shattered remnants found company with the other pieces of china she’d obliterated. Glancing down at the box filled with more expensive dinnerware, she tried not to feel impotent that this was her only act of revenge on Reuben.

Wow. Destroying his china pattern. What a kick to the cajones.

After weeks of berating herself and the vampyre, Jaeden had finally dashed into the huge kitchen to look for something to train with in the woods. Instead, she’d stumbled across some expensive china Reuben had locked in a closet at the back of the kitchen. She didn’t know for certain if the stuff was his, but she decided to use it for target practice on the off chance that it might be. Now she was far into the woods, away from the rest of the pack, doing just that.

Ah, away from the rest of the pack, she mused. No change there, then. For the week Caia had been gone, Jaeden had avoided almost everyone. The only person she really spoke to was Alexa, and thus Mal and Finlay since they never left their sister’s side. It was beginning to drive Lex nuts, and Jae’s company was always a welcome relief from her brothers. But as the weeks turned, so did Jaeden’s heart.

The immediate rage she’d felt over her father’s death had calmed enough for her to begin to feel all kinds of guilty for what she had done to Caia. She couldn’t comprehend how she could’ve let Caia be kicked out of the pack. And all she wanted to do now was find her and fix it. But how could she fix it when she couldn’t even fix herself and her relationships with the pack? She hadn’t spoken to her mother and ignored her when Julia tried to approach.

As for her relationship with Ryder, it was pretty much over. Her heart flipped in her chest at the thought. Their meeting in the hall the day Caia left wasn’t to be their last. For two weeks Ryder cornered her whenever he got the chance, and all she did was insult and offend him … oh gods, she had said some horrible things. She’d told him she didn’t love him anymore. And Hades, that wasn’t true. She loved him so much, she was terrified of losing him too. So pushing him away … that had been a smart plan. Not. Now he could barely look at her.

And Lucien was trying his best to keep the pack together, insisting on weekly runs and meals together. At first those occasions had been blunted by grief and Jaeden’s animosity, but she’d gradually been relegated to an outsider through her own means, the pack easing into casual conversations with one another, easing into playing and enjoying the euphoria and release of the pack runs. Except for Alexa and herself, the pack grieved as one and were the better for it.

Jaeden didn’t miss that Vil and Laila’s soothing presence helped. Especially little Laila; she had a gift for creating peace among them. Their other gifts had also come in handy when members of the pack went food shopping in the nearest town—Laila used her magik to glamour them so no one would question the strangers who kept popping into town.

Their other guest, Rose, was a different matter. As Jaeden’s guilt over what she’d done to Caia grew unbearable, her misdirected anger at Rose grew as well. She snapped and snarled at the lykan any chance she got. Part of her knew it was psychological crap, but the other part of her knew, as she watched Rose with Lucien, that the female wolf was biding her time with their Alpha, awaiting the moment when he threw away Caia’s memory for good and made Rose his partner.

Dear goddess, it was all her fault.

The box of dishes shook, and she clenched her fists, bringing her emotions back under control. It was all too late anyway. What was done was done, and there was nothing she could do about it. She didn’t have the energy to do anything about it.

Frustrated as all Hades at herself, Jaeden ripped off her clothes. Once naked, she crouched on to all fours, luxuriating in the soft mud that seeped between her fingers and toes and cushioned the weight on her knees. She pushed the change, wincing in relief at the piercing of each hair through her skin, eyes burning as her ears transformed, her face shifting. Her jaw cracked as it elongated, her teeth filling her mouth rapidly. The echoing snap of her bones as her spine, legs, and arms morphed sent a premature howl from between lips still formed from the median change. Jaeden gasped in satisfaction at the stinging pain of her claws lengthening and concentrated on slowing the process to prolong the happy liberation the change wrought.