Of Love & Regret (Madison & Logan 1)

“Maybe it’s all the sexual tension that’s built up between you two,” she said in between bites of her cinnamon roll. “Just screw each other’s brains out and get it over with.”

I laughed, but the sound was hollow. “You think everything is solved by sex.”

Emily frowned exaggeratedly. “Isn’t it?”

I sighed as I picked up my fork, finally taking a bite of a cinnamon roll. It was warm and gooey with plenty of icing, but it tasted like sand in my mouth.

Emily stopped eating as she studied me. She seemed to realize that I was seriously bothered by last night. “What’s really wrong?” she asked, no longer joking. “Did Logan try something?”

“No, it was nothing like that. It was just—” I paused as I searched for the right words. “I was just aware of him in a different way yesterday. It’s not that I think of him as anything more than a friend, but things just felt different between us. Like there was something unspoken that neither of us were willing to address.” I frowned as I thought about my statement. “At least, I wasn’t.”

“What was it that was unspoken between you two?” she asked.

“I don’t know. That’s the problem. Whatever it was, it made me super sensitive and defensive about everything he said. The thing is, I wasn’t the only one who was acting differently. He insulted Adam, something he never does—at least, not so obviously. And it seemed like he was upset with me, but I’m not sure why.”

“He just probably thinks Adam isn’t good enough for you,” Emily contended. “And he’s right.”

I waved aside her comment. “I really don’t want to get into the merits of my relationship with Adam right now. Besides, his comments about Adam were only a small part of the issue last night. It was more than that. It was like he wasn’t filtering his thoughts and was just saying whatever was on his mind.”

“Is that a bad thing? I don’t understand what the problem is.”

I was frustrated because I wasn’t sure what the problem was either. “You weren’t wrong when you said I spend more time with him than I do with Adam. That’s a problem. I’m beginning to realize that our friendship may be crossing some lines. Not any romantic sort of lines, but emotionally. I think we’re too dependent on each other. Maybe that’s why Logan is never in a relationship longer than half a second. Maybe that’s why my relationship with Adam is deteriorating.”

“Are you sure it’s not because you’re not being honest with yourself about your feelings for Logan?” Emily asked. “I’ve seen the way you two interact. You’re the most couply non-couple I’ve ever seen.”

This was territory I didn’t want to delve into too deeply, even though I had been the one to bring it up. It would only make me more confused. Logan and I were just friends. There would never be a possibility of anything more.

“Let’s drop the subject of Logan. It’s giving me a headache. I think I just need to chill out and not overanalyze everything to death. We’re friends. We had an off night last night. That’s all it was.” I wasn’t sure if I believed myself, but saying it out loud made me feel better.

“If you say so,” Emily said disbelievingly, but she didn’t push the subject. Unfortunately, the next topic she brought up made me feel even more uncomfortable. “Cassie’s birthday is next weekend, isn’t it?”

I nodded stiffly. I had met Emily long after Cassie’s death, but she knew how much it had impacted me even though I had never shared the details of it with her. She also knew that I went back to Laurenston for her birthday every year, although I had never revealed how sick Mrs. Brooks was. I preferred to keep that part of my life separate from my present reality.

“Do you need someone to go with you?” she asked. “I’d be more than happy to.”

I felt a rush of warmth at her considerate offer, but I shook my head. I didn’t want the two worlds to mix. “I appreciate the offer, but that’s okay. It gets easier every year. I won’t be there long anyways.”

I didn’t want to mention that Logan was coming with me, so I changed the subject to the latest guy Emily was dating. Our food arrived, and I was able to push my problems to the back of my mind as I enthusiastically ate my Eggs Benedict and listened to Emily regale me with tales about her latest dating conquests.

The rest of brunch was enjoyable, and I was feeling much better when we parted ways. Emily was an assistant to a prominent interior designer, and the rest of her day was dedicated to finding a certain fabric a client was demanding.

With a full stomach and only a slight headache, I decided to try to get a head start on my column for next week when I got home. An hour had passed as I stared at the blank page on the screen of my computer when I finally admitted to myself that I was waiting for Logan to call. The fact that he hadn’t was distracting me, and it bothered me more than I wanted to admit.

I picked up my phone, but I hesitated, my finger hovering over the button to dial his number. I didn’t know what I would say to him. I had already realized that we were too dependent on each other, so I should be giving him space instead of reaching out to him. I put the phone down, but I couldn’t deny the disappointment I felt in not being able to talk to him. Even though I had seen him just yesterday, I missed him, and I was anxious about the way things had ended last night.

I jumped when my phone beeped, indicating an incoming text message. Seeing the name Logan Delaney appear across the screen of my phone made me happier than it should have, and I eagerly opened up his text message.

/>

What are you doing?

It wasn’t much, but it was better than nothing. I quickly typed out my reply.

Trying to get a head start on my column for next week, but I think I’m brain dead. What are you doing?

I was tense as I waited for Logan’s reply, unused to this uncertain feeling when it came to him.

Watching Rear Window. I’m sorry about last night. I think we both regret the things we said. Let’s just chalk it up to us being overly sensitive.