“We realized we had made a terrible mistake. We both fell over ourselves apologizing, and Logan left. It was awkward for the next few weeks, and we avoided each other as much as possible.” I dropped my head as I recalled how awful I had felt during that time. My voice was low when I spoke again. “But a door had been opened that seemed impossible to shut. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. If I wasn’t thinking about him during the day, I was dreaming about him at night. But I was determined that nothing would ever happen between us again.”
I looked up, forcing myself to face Emily as I continued. “But then one day Logan came to our room. He knew Cassie wouldn’t be there because she was on an overnight trip with her drama club to see a play in another town. I shouldn’t have let him into my room, but I did.”
“Why are you here?” I asked after I shut the door behind him. I wasn’t sure if letting him inside was the right decision, but I definitely didn’t want anyone in the hallway to see us talking. My guilty conscience made me believe that anything we did was suspicious, even having a simple conversation together.
I made my face impassive, determined to not let him see how he affected me. “You know Cassie’s not here.”
“I need to talk to you.”
Logan had a determined look on his face, and it made me nervous. I crossed my arms against my chest, trying to erect a barrier between us. “About what?”
“About us.”
I laughed, but the sound was hollow. “There is no us. We agreed that what happened between us was a mistake and we should forget about it.”
The corners of Logan’s mouth turned down. “Are you telling me that you’ve been able to forget about it? That you haven’t been thinking about me at all?”
His question struck a nerve, because far from being able to forget about what had happened between us, it was all I could think about.
“This conversation is pointless.” I couldn’t let myself be drawn into something that would lead to disaster. “You’re Cassie’s boyfriend. I’m her best friend. The last thing I want to do is hurt her, and I thought you felt the same way. You should leave.”
I made a move to reach around him to open the door, but he gripped my arm to stop me. I froze, alarmed by how the simple touch of his hand affected me.
“Maddie, tell me the truth. How do you feel about me?”
I shook my head, unwilling to admit I was a lovelorn fool who had spent hours and days pining after someone I could never have. Because I could never have Logan. He was Cassie’s.
He made a sound of impatience when I refused to answer him.
“Fine, you don’t want to tell me, then I’ll tell you how I feel.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “It didn’t start with that kiss. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you for a while. I told myself we were just good friends, that I enjoyed your company because we got along so well, and it was nothing more than that. I think all along I knew I was lying to myself, but it gave me permission to spend time with you without feeling guilty.”
I stared up at him, shocked by what he was telling me. I had believed our kiss had just been a single indiscretion in a moment of insanity. I had never thought for one moment that he felt more, and had for some time.
Logan dropped his hand from my arm and ran it through his hair in frustration. “Sometimes, I would wonder if you had feelings for me. I would catch you looking at me in a certain way that would make me think you did. But every time I tried to muster up the courage to say something, you would act like you felt nothing for me but friendship. I didn’t know if I was just imagining it all.”
My heart started beating faster, hammering against my ribcage at a frenetic pace. I was torn; on one hand, I wanted to tell him to stop, because nothing good could come out of his confession, but another part of me was desperate to hear it. In the end, I just let him continue.
“But I wasn’t imagining my feelings for you,” Logan said with a sad smile. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I made excuses to come over when I knew Cassie wouldn’t be here. When I was with Cassie, I felt guilty because of my feelings for you, but I couldn’t stop wanting to be with you instead. I even tried to break up with Cassie because I knew it wasn’t fair to her, but she didn’t take it well. She broke down and begged me to give our relationship another chance.” Logan spoke quickly when he saw how my face whitened. “Don’t worry, I didn’t tell her that the reason I wanted to end things was because of my feelings for you.” Logan grimaced. “She was so distraught that somehow I ended up agreeing to stay together. I shouldn’t have caved, but I was stupid. It isn’t fair to any of us to go on pretending.”
I was shocked by his revelation. I thought Cassie and I told each other everything, but she had never once mentioned to me that Logan had tried to break up with her.
“I-I never knew,” I faltered. “She never told me about that.”
“I’m not surprised. She wanted everyone to think we had the perfect relationship, but I think we just got used to the idea of being together.” Logan reached up and cupped my cheek, gently brushing it with his thumb. “But with you, everything seems right. I wake up thinking about you, wondering if I’ll get to see you. Throughout the day, I wonder what you’re doing and whether you’re thinking about me. You’re the last thought in my mind before I fall asleep. I know I said that kiss was a mistake, but it was the first right thing I’ve done in this whole mess. I—“ Logan swallowed hard, his blue eyes dark with emotion. “I’m falling in love with you. Actually, I think I’ve already fallen.”
My lips trembled, and I pressed them together, trying to get my chaotic emotions under control. His gaze dropped to my mouth, and he leaned in closer. Despite knowing that my feelings for him ran much deeper than I wanted to admit, I couldn’t forget about Cassie this time.
“We can’t do this,” I whispered, my voice shaking. “It’s not fair to Cassie. She loves you. Even if you don’t feel the same way about her, she’ll be devastated if you leave her. I can’t be a part of that. I can’t hurt her like that.”
“Just tell me you don’t feel the same way about me. Then I’ll leave you alone. Either way, things are over between me and Cassie.” Logan’s voice was low, and his thumb dropped to brush against my lower lip, making it almost impossible for me to breathe.
“I can’t,” I finally admitted, my voice trembling in a mixture of fear and anticipation. “I can’t tell you that I don’t feel the same way about you, because I do.”
That was the only thing Logan needed to hear, and the moment his lips touched mine, I was lost. I leaned up as our kiss deepened, wrapping my arms around his neck. He wasted no time in taking advantage of my surrender and splayed his hands on the small of my back, pushing my body against his. I gasped at the thrill of pleasure that went through me when I felt his body pressed against mine, and Logan took the opportunity to thrust his tongue into my mouth.
Our first kiss had been sweet. This kiss had all the pent-up desire that had been building while we had been apart, and the intensity of it quickly spiraled out of control. I had no idea how we ended up on my bed; all I knew was that the weight of Logan’s hard body pressing me into the mattress awakened a ravenous hunger.
Clothes were quickly shed, and then I was aware of nothing but Logan’s mouth and hands exploring my body, setting me on fire. There was no thought behind our actions, only primal desire.