Of Love & Regret (Madison & Logan 1)

I shook my head at my wandering thoughts. They were useless because I doubted I would ever see him again.

Emily had been silent during my ruminations and I glanced at her. She had a funny expression on her face and I wondered if all the wine was getting to her.

“Are you okay?” I asked, concerned. “Maybe you should stop drinking. You have a weird look on your face like you’re going to be sick.”

She turned to fully face me and took a deep breath. “I didn’t know whether I should tell you, but I’d rather warn you than take the chance of you being caught off guard.”

I frowned at her, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Logan is back in town.”

My stomach dropped at her words but I was silent as she explained.

“Sylvia got commissioned to redo the offices of Walker & Parkson. At first, I didn’t know why the name sounded so familiar, but then I realized it’s the law firm that Logan works for. I didn’t think much of it, since I assumed he was still at the L.A. office. But I saw him this past week when Sylvia and I went in for a meeting.”

My emotions were in turmoil, but I tried to pretend like it wasn’t a big deal. “That doesn’t mean he’s back in Chicago for good. He could have just been there for a meeting.”

Emily bit her lip and watched me closely as she spoke. “I talked to him. I was just so surprised to see him, and I couldn’t really avoid him since he saw me, too. He told me that he’s just moved back to Chicago because the senior partners want him to help restructure the firm’s organization here. They like the changes he made to the Los Angeles branch, and I guess he was pretty successful in growing that office.”

For a moment, I couldn’t process everything Emily was telling me. Even though I had desperately missed Logan, there was a cold comfort in knowing he was in L.A. I never had to worry about bumping into him. But now he was back in Chicago. What would I do if I saw him? What would I say?

I gave myself a mental shake. The chances of me bumping into Logan were few and far between. Even if I did, I doubted he would even acknowledge my presence. Life without Logan would continue, regardless of whether he was in Los Angeles or Chicago.

“Did I do the right thing by telling you?” Emily asked anxiously when I didn’t say anything. “I thought it was better that you know.”

I tried to smile to reassure her. “I appreciate you telling me. It’s better that I know, but it really makes no difference whether he’s here or in L.A. I doubt I’ll ever see him, but if I ever do happen to run into him, at least I won’t be taken totally off guard.”

Despite my nonchalant tone, I desperately wanted to ask her if Logan had asked about me but I forced myself not to. She would have mentioned it if he had, and there was no point in looking pathetic in front of her. I drained my cup in one gulp.

“

I’m beat. Let’s go to bed so we’re refreshed for tomorrow.”

Emily agreed, but I was aware of her still watching me, probably to make sure I was okay. After the shock of the news of Logan being back in Chicago wore off, I was able to convince myself of my earlier words. Nothing had changed between us. He might as well be in China, because the distance between us was so much more than physical. Still, it was a while before I fell sleep that night.

The next day, we woke up to a beautiful morning, and I was able to push back the thoughts of Logan to enjoy it. I refused to let it ruin my weekend getaway, and I especially didn’t want Emily to regret telling me.

After a hearty breakfast, we rented a couple of bikes and navigated a bike trail that eventually led us to the beach. It was a perfect, blissful day as we lazed on the sand, but I couldn’t totally relax. I knew it was idiotic of me, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Logan. Most of me fervently wished that I would never see him again, but a tiny part of me was desperate to bump into him. I came to the conclusion that I must be a masochist, and for the hundredth time, I lectured myself for thinking about him.

We went back to the hotel and took a quick nap to recharge our batteries. Afterwards, we changed into more formal attire and treated ourselves to dinner at a fancy, upscale French restaurant. The food was delicious, and Emily and I kept the conversation light, and I was almost able to forget about Logan. We ended the night at an outdoor terrace back at our hotel, sipping glasses of wine while gazing at the peaceful, starry sky.

I was reluctant to leave when I woke up on Sunday morning. We spent a few more hours at the beach and then finally packed up our things, checked out of the hotel, and got back on the road.

“The weekend flew by,” Emily remarked as she leaned back in her seat. Since she had driven to the Indiana Dunes, I was making the drive back. “I still can’t get over how good the food was last night.” She made a face. “Now it’s back to work and Sylvia being on my back.”

I laughed at the sour look on her face. “Just think—one day, you’ll be the difficult boss who drives your assistant crazy.”

Emily’s face brightened at my comment. “I can’t wait until that day comes!”

The drive home went by quickly, and we parted ways with promises to meet up for lunch next week. Alone, back in my apartment, it was harder to push the thoughts of Logan out of my mind. A sick part of me was tempted to go downtown on the crazy, off chance that I might run into him. I didn’t even know if he lived in the same area, let alone the same apartment.

It was late by the time I dropped into bed. My emotions had run the gamut from desolation to excitement, and had finally settled on futile resignation. Logan being in town had changed nothing in my life. It was still as empty and bleak as the day he had turned his back on me.

Chapter Sixteen

Despite telling myself that the chances of running into Logan was slim to none, that didn’t stop me from holding my breath every time I turned a corner for the next couple of weeks. But as time passed, the thoughts of Logan that had been preoccupying my mind receded into the background.

It was a balmy Saturday afternoon, and I was at the Water Tower Place in downtown to do some shopping. The last place I expected to see Logan was at a mall, so I was completely unprepared when I caught sight of him heading out of a high-end clothing store. I was even more unprepared to see a woman by his side, looking up at him and laughing at whatever he had said.