Of Love & Regret (Madison & Logan 1)

The way Logan phrased it made it impossible for me to refuse without admitting that I hadn’t moved on. I wasn’t sure if he did it on purpose, but it worked.

“I guess I can come for a little bit,” I said reluctantly. I had a feeling I would regret this decision, but I foolishly ignored the warning voice in my head.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Logan replied, but his expression wasn’t exactly brimming with enthusiasm. He looked more dispassionate than anything else, like he was scheduling a meeting with one of his clients. Despite his lack of emotion, I had a feeling that he would have persisted until I agreed to come. “I’ll text you my new address. I’m back downtown, but in a different building.”

“Okay,” I said. I paused, not knowing what was left to say. “Well, see you later.”

Logan gave me a curt nod and then walked away. I was tempted to watch him until he turned the corner, but I forced myself to run up the stoop and unlock the front door of my building.

An hour later, after I had showered and changed, I was still reliving my conversation with Logan over and over again. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had just made a decision that would irrevocably change my life forever. I just didn’t know whether it was for better or worse.

Chapter Seventeen

The following week was torture as I went back and forth about whether I would actually attend Logan’s party. I didn’t know if the reason I was going was to give our friendship another chance, or if it was my way of clinging to the hope that he would realize he still loved me. The latter reason was too pathetic to contemplate, but I couldn’t deny that it was a real possibility.

Logan texted me midweek with his new address, and I had been tempted to answer back that I was no longer able to come. I had a feeling that I was setting myself up to be massively hurt, but after a long internal debate, I ended up confirming that I would see him on Saturday.

Emily hadn’t said much when I told her about agreeing to go to his party. Despite her lack of objection, I couldn’t help feeling that she disapproved. Still, she agreed to come with me, and I was relieved to have her company.

By the time Saturday night rolled around, I was a bundle of nerves. I had changed outfits numerous times, unsure of what to wear. I didn’t know how formal the party was going to be since I hadn’t bothered to ask Logan. It had been hard enough to let him know that I was attending. The last thing on my mind was inquiring about the dress code. I finally settled on an emerald sheath dress that made my eyes look even greener than normal. It was elegant, yet simple enough if the party was more casual. My hair was up in a deliberately messy bun with a few tendrils pulled loose to frame my face. My up-do, in combination with the deep V of the dress, made my neck look longer and more graceful, and I was happy with the effect. Looking as good as possible was my only shield of armor against Logan and his newfound happiness.

“You look gorgeous!” Emily exclaimed when I let her into my apartment. “You should wear your hair like that more often.”

“You look pretty gorgeous yourself,” I said with a smile, feeling some of the tension lessen now that she was here. At least I wouldn’t have to face this alone.

Emily did indeed look gorgeous in a short, black dress that left little to the imagination. On anyone else, the dress might have looked a little too revealing, but Emily had a way of making anything she wore look provocative yet classy.

“We’ll be the hottest bitches at the party,” she joked. She raised an eyebrow almost challengingly. “I can’t wait to see what Logan’s new fling looks like.”

I rolled my eyes at her but her levity made even more of my tension dissipate. “She’s not some floozy like some of the other women he’s dated. She actually seems pretty nice.”

Emily made a gagging sound. “Just what every guy wants. Nice.”

I knew she was just saying that to make me feel better, but it still lifted my spirits. Everything was more bearable with a loyal friend by your side.

We took a cab to Logan’s apartment since we didn’t want to navigate the L train in heels. Despite wishing for a lot of traffic to prolong the time until we reached his place, we seemed to hit all the green lights and got there in record time.

Emily grabbed my hand as we were about to enter Logan’s building. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”

I saw concern on her face, and I tried to muster up a smile, although my stomach was in knots. “I’ll be okay. If it gets to be too much, we can just leave.”

After getting past the doorman, we took the elevator to the 25th floor. With each floor that passed, the tension that had eased earlier came back with a vengeance. I took deep breaths, telling myself that this was no big deal. I was just going to a simple party, and I could handle seeing Logan and Kristina together. Unfortunately, even I knew better than to believe myself.

The elevator arrived on his floor with a soft ding, and we walked onto the plush carpet in the quiet hallway. When we got to his door, I took a deep

breath before pressing the doorbell. I heard the faint sounds of people talking and laughing on the other side, and we only had to wait a few seconds before the door swung open.

Even though I had already seen Logan last week, it was still heart wrenching to have him standing before me, looking larger than life. He was wearing black pants that looked like they had been tailored for his body, and a grey button-down that was open at the collar. He looked casually urbane and irresistibly sophisticated, and I instantly felt dowdy in my simple green dress.

I masked my unease with a smile. “Hi, Logan. It’s good to see you again.”

He stepped back to let us in, but instead of returning the smile, he had a disgruntled look on his face. “You’re late.”

I raised my eyebrows. “I didn’t realize we had to be here by a certain time.”

I had purposely arrived later than when Logan told me the party was starting because I wanted there to be enough people so that I could blend into the crowd. Besides, who arrives right at the start of a party?

“Haven’t you ever heard of being fashionably late?” Emily joked, trying to lighten the mood. “It’s all about making an entrance.”