Of Love & Regret (Madison & Logan 1)

Their sweetness was sickening and I had an immature compulsion to kick them both in the shins and storm out of the apartment. Instead, I pasted on a smile.

“I’m sure he’s not exaggerating too much.” I desperately wanted the conversation to end. I wanted to get away from Logan and Kristina, but I didn’t know how to do so without being rude and obvious, so I dug my grave even deeper by asking more questions. “How are you liking Chicago so far?”

“So far so good,” Kristina replied. “It’s just so different from L.A.”

Emily finally came out of her stupor and started talking to Kristina about Los Angeles since she traveled there fairly often for work. I was relieved that she was shouldering the bulk of the conversation so I could lapse into silence and just listen. I tried to avoid looking at Logan and kept my eyes on Kristina and Emily as they talked about places they knew in common in L.A., but pretty soon the urge became irresistible, and I glanced quickly at him. I was surprised to find him watching me, and I became even more discomfited when he didn’t look away when I caught him.

I slid my eyes back to Kristina, who was talking about one of her favorite restaurants in L.A., but I couldn’t fight temptation and glanced at Logan again. His piercing blue eyes were still studying me and I couldn’t help but feel like I was being observed under a microscope. I self-consciously took a large sip of my wine and tr

ied to concentrate on the conversation.

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to escape Logan’s scrutiny and latched onto the first excuse I could think of. “I have to go to the bathroom,” I announced. “I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll show you where it is.”

I shook my head. The last thing I needed was to be alone with Logan, especially with how I was feeling right now. I was a mess of regret, sadness and hurt. I didn’t want him to know how vulnerable I was and how close my emotions were to the surface.

“It’s okay. If you point out where it is, I’ll be fine on my own.”

Logan ignored me and instead looked at Kristina. “I’ll be right back.”

Kristina nodded, seemingly completely unperturbed by Logan’s offer to accompany me. I wondered if she knew anything about my past with him. If she did, she was a much more secure woman than I was.

I was acutely aware of Logan’s hand on my elbow as he guided me through the crowd of people. A few people recognized me as we made our way through, and I quickly exchanged greetings, but the pressure of Logan’s hand propelling me forward clearly indicated that he didn’t want me to stop to make small talk. I told myself it was no big deal that he was showing me where the bathroom was. Once we reached it, I could close the door on his face and be alone to lick my wounds in private.

“Thanks,” I said when we stopped in front of a door that I assumed was the bathroom. I opened it and stepped inside, fumbling for the light switch. Instead of walking away, Logan stepped in behind me and closed the door before switching on the light.

“What are you doing?” I asked in alarm. My concern grew when I saw that, instead of a bathroom, we were in a large bedroom. Presumably the bedroom he shared with Kristina. I pushed the thought aside and frowned severely at him. “This isn’t the bathroom.”

Logan lifted his hand to indicate an interior door across the room. “It’s right over there.”

“Oh,” I said, feeling a little foolish. I was still uncomfortable with being in a bedroom with him, but I tried to play it off as if I was completely at ease. “Thanks. I’ll see you back out at the party when I’m done.”

I strode to the bathroom without looking at him, quickly closing the door behind me and switching on the light. I held my breath as I waited to hear his footsteps leaving the bedroom but there was nothing except silence. He couldn’t be planning on waiting out there until I was finished, could he?

I had no need to use the bathroom, but I made a production of flushing the toilet and running the faucet. I waited a few moments before opening the door, hoping that I would find nothing on the other side except an empty bedroom.

Instead, I found Logan waiting for me with his arms crossed, leaning against the wall next to the closed door that led back into the living room.

“You didn’t have to wait for me. Your apartment is huge, but I doubt I would have gotten lost.”

Logan didn’t respond to my joke. His eyes were narrowed as he studied me, and I tried not to show how self-conscious I felt as he watched me walk towards him.

I had my hand on the doorknob to make my escape back to the party when he spoke.

“So, you’re really okay with me and Kristina being together?”

Whatever façade Logan had been maintaining slipped away, and he looked at me with hard eyes, the tension evident on his face. I was surprised by his question since I had pretty much convinced myself that Logan had moved on and was happy in his new relationship.

“What do you mean?” I asked hesitantly, not wanting to presume anything.

“I mean, are you okay knowing that Kristina is the woman in my life now. Are you okay knowing that she’s the one I fuck at night and the one I wake up to every morning?”

I was shocked by Logan’s vulgar words and watched him warily. I didn’t know what he was trying to do, but this conversation had veered into territory I wanted to avoid.

“Kristina was wrong about your ability to handle alcohol. You must be drunk right now to be speaking to me like this.”

I turned the doorknob so I could flee but Logan placed his hand against the door so it wouldn’t open. He deftly moved between me and the door, effectively blocking me from leaving.