Of Love & Regret (Madison & Logan 1)

“My life is boring,” Emily said with a sigh. “All I do is work. At least let me live vicariously through yours.”

“Well,” I relented. “I already told you about Kristina coming over to tell me off. It was pretty awful. She was obviously really upset, but the worst part was when she begged me to leave Logan alone.”

Emily wrinkled her nose. “Doesn’t she have any self-respect? If I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me, I’d just kick him to the curb. Not beg the other woman to let me have him.”

I knew Emily didn’t mean to insult me with her statement, but it just reinforced my own reservations about how my relationship with Logan had started. “I don’t know. I can’t blame her. She loves him.” I shrugged helplessly. “I’m not sure what I would do in her situation. She’s really the innocent party in this whole mess. It’s hard for me to come to terms with my role in the demise of her relationship with Logan.”

“It’s better for her to find out now than to invest years in Logan and then find out that he’s really in love with someone else,” Emily reasoned. “So is everything good between you and Logan now?”

I hesitated as I pondered how to answer her question. I was deliriously happy being with Logan, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit that the circumstances of our rekindling were a bit of a black cloud over my head.

“Things between me and Logan are really good,” I finally answered. “I just hate that our relationship started off with him cheating on his girlfriend. I can’t help feeling like karma is going to bite me in the ass one day and we’re going to have to face the consequences of our actions.” I paused a beat before continuing, my voice lowering. “It’s almost like I’m repeating the sins of my past. I think my guilt over Kristina is multiplied because it’s like I’m betraying Cassie all over again.”

“Don’t think like that,” Emily said with a grimace. “Just focus on being happy with Logan. The rest shouldn’t matter.”

I tried to take Emily’s advice to heart, but it was difficult. Fortunately, I was able to veer the conversation back to her, and I listened to her crazy stories about her trip to New York, from scouring dozens of stores to find the perfect lamp for a client to navigating the subway system while carrying an antique oriental rug.

After a while, Emily checked her watch with a frown. “I hate to cut this short, but I have a client dinner that Sylvia sprung on me.”

I was disappointed that Emily couldn’t stay longer but I knew how demanding her job was. After she left, I tried to concentrate on writing this week’s article but my mind kept wandering to Logan. As if he had read my mind, my phone rang, and I saw that it was him.

“I was just thinking about you,” I said when I answered the phone.

“Hopefully all good things,” Logan replied. I could tell he was smiling from his voice.

“Actually, I was thinking about how loudly you snored last night,” I lied. “It was like there was a jackhammer in the bedroom.”

“I guess that’s something we have in common,” he said good-naturedly.

“I don’t snore!” I exclaimed indignantly, and then laughed that I had been baited so easily. “When are you leaving work?”

“In about an hour. Should I pick up something for dinner on the way over?”

“Let’s just order something when you get here.”

“That impatient for my company, huh?” Logan teased.

“Whatever,” I said, but I couldn’t help laughing. It felt so amazing to be free with Logan and know that we could be together without any obstacles.

After we ended the call, I forced myself to sit in front of my laptop and concentrate on working on my article. Now that I had talked to Logan, I was able to be more productive and time flew by. I was surprised when I heard the buzzer to my apartment building and saw that almost two hours had passed.

It was still a novelty to be able to be with Logan with no reservations, and I felt a surge of happiness when I opened the door to find him standing there, looking tired but upbeat. Before I could say anything, he leaned down to give me a long kiss.

“I missed you,” he murmured as he gently brushed the hair back from my face.

“You mean from when you last saw me this morning?” I joked, but I was touched by his sentiment. He had been on my mind all day, and I almost told him that, but I held back. I was going to have to get used to making myself vulnerable to Logan, and not be afraid of getting hurt.

“That was ten hours ago,” he replied with a grin. “That’s practically a lifetime.”

We decided to order a pizza, and while we waited for it to arrive, we snuggled on the couch, catching up on each other’s day. When the buzzer announced the arrival of our dinner, Logan got up to pay the delivery guy. When he came back, he laid the pizza box on top of the coffee table and dropped his wallet next to it.

“That’s the wallet I got you for your birthday,” I blurted out, surprised that he still had it. “I thought you had thrown that out with the rest of my stuff.” It was the one he had put in the box of my belongings that he had so callously left for me with his doorman before he left for L.A. It was hard to forget how humiliated I had been when he had shown up with Ella and I had run out of there after their little display of affection, leaving my things behind. I had always assumed he had just gotten rid of my stuff, but here he was still using my wallet. It made my heart ache a little as I realized that I wasn’t the only one who had suffered while we had been apart.

“I never stopped using it,” he admitted. He gave me a look of self-deprecation. “In fact, I still have all your things from a year ago, if you want them, including a half-empty bottle of shampoo and a few pairs of socks.”

I laughed even though my chest constricted at his words. All that wasted time. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let anything get in the way of our relationship again.

We spent a comfortable night in eating pizza and watching TV. I was leaning over to rest my head on Logan’s chest when the necklace I was wearing fell out from under my shirt. I grabbed it, but before I could slide it back under my shirt, he reached down to touch it.