Of Loss & Betrayal (Madison & Logan 2)

“We come here pretty regularly,” I said, not taking offense that he hadn’t remembered going to the aquarium with me. I was used to it by now. “Usually on the weekends, but every now and then we would come here on the weekdays after you got off work.” I took another sip of my beer before continuing. “Speaking of work, do you know when you’re planning on going back?”

“Probably the week after next. My firm told me to take as much time as I need, but I know the work is piling up. I think it’ll be good for me to go back to work. Getting back into the routine of my life might help me regain my memory.” He reached across the table to hold my hand. I felt a thrill at the simple touch. What was once an ordinary, routine touch of affection meant so much more now because it meant that despite his memory loss, Logan wanted to be with me.

“What about you?” he asked. “You mentioned that you told your boss you were taking time off work, but there’s really no need to.” He gave me a wry grin. “You don’t have to coddle me. I won’t wander off into the street by myself.”

I laughed. “I know. I just want to be here for you, to answer any questions you may have. I’ll probably start writing again after Thanksgiving. I’m lucky to have such a flexible boss.” I squeezed his hand. “You’re handling your memory loss unbelievably well. I would probably be having a nervous breakdown if I were you.”

“It’s not always easy,” Logan admitted with a slight frown. “It’s unsettling, to say the least, to know that there are gaping holes in my memory. It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that I can’t remember some of the most important people in my life. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t worry that I have some sort of permanent brain damage, regardless of all the tests at the hospital coming back normal. And sometimes I wonder if I’ll start losing more memories instead of regaining the ones I lost.”

I was surprised by his admission. Except for when he had first woken up from being unconscious, Logan had seemed to take his memory loss in stride. Maybe I had been too engrossed in my own emotions about his amnesia to see what he was going through. I felt guilty for being so self-involved.

“I guess you seemed so self-assured that I took it for granted that you weren’t having a hard time handling all of this.” I frowned. “I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” he said, rubbing his thumb back and forth against my hand. “You’ve been there for me every step of the way. I’d be lost without you.”

I tried to not get teary eyed by his words. Luckily, the waitress appeared with our nachos, so I had something to distract myself with before I started bawling.

“Holy plate of nachos,” Logan said with disbelief as he eyed the plate. I laughed at his incredulous look. The nachos were pretty awe-inspiring. The plate they were on was actually a metal pizza pan that could barely contain the massive amount of chips, ground beef, cheese and other assortment of toppings that made up the nachos.

“I told you it was big,” I said as I started to dig in. “It could feed a family of six.”

“I can see why we came here all the time,” Logan commented as he started to eat as well. “Although I can feel my arteries hardening just looking at it. How much of this do we usually actually eat?”

I didn’t answer. Instead, I watched him as he pushed all the jalapenos to my side. He looked up when I didn’t reply.

“What’s wrong?”

“Why are you doing that?” I asked.

Logan looked at me confused. “Doing what?”

“Pushing all the jalapenos to my side.”

He frowned as he looked down at the nachos. “I’m not sure. I didn’t realize I was even doing it.”

“It’s just…” I faltered before continuing. “You always used to do that because I love jalapenos.”

Logan furrowed his brow. “Maybe my body remembers even if my mind doesn’t. I was doing it without thinking.”

“Maybe this is a good sign,” I said with a hopeful smile. “Maybe this is the beginning of you regaining your memory.”

“I hope so.” Logan looked at me intently. “As much as I want my memories back, as long as I have you, I’ll be okay. We can make a lifetime of new memories together.”

My heart melted at his words. Although I desperately wanted him to regain his memory, he was right. As long as we were together, everything would be okay.

We spent the rest of the afternoon at the Half Pitcher in easy conversation, as we drank and ate our fill of the nachos. When we got back to his apartment, we made passionate love and then held each other in bed for the rest of the night, content just to be together. I wanted to tell Logan I loved him, something I was so used to saying to him all the time, but despite his profession of wanting to be with me, I didn’t want to scare him away. I decided to wait until we had spent more time together to say those words to him. After all, there was no rush.

Chapter Eleven

I groaned and pulled the covers over my head. I heard ringing but was trying to shut out the noise. I was warm and c

ozy in bed and the last thing I wanted to do was answer the door.

Despite trying to ignore the doorbell, it was relentless. I rolled to my other side, feeling the warmth of a body next to mine. I opened my eyes, realizing that I was in Logan’s bed, not mine. He was asleep next to me, oblivious to the doorbell.

“Logan,” I said, my voice raspy with sleep. I shook his arm. “Logan, wake up. Someone’s at the door.”

He finally opened his eyes, squinting against the sunlight streaming in through the windows. “What? Who’s at my door?” he asked grumpily. “I’m tired.”