I help up my hand. "Sarah, no suppositions," I warned. "That's the last thing I need."
"Okay," she sighed. She then looked fierce. "It's not fair. Why did he have to be in your vision? Aren't you allowed to grab a damn piece of happiness? It's just so fucking unfair."
Apparently I was bringing out the cursing in everyone. "It's okay, Sarah. I'm okay with it. And I'm happy with my life. My best friend and I are in our senior year. I have a great group of friends. I'm looking forward to graduation and everything that com
es after it. There are so many good things in my life. Let's not focus on the bad."
Sarah grimaced. "That makes me feel worse. You being positive. You should be able to scream and throw a temper tantrum if you want. You deserve that right. But you never do. You just persevere in silence." She looked at me with an expression I had never seen on her face. "But you'll tell me if it becomes too much, right? You'll ask for my help if you can't handle it anymore?"
I understood the question she was asking. "Don't worry, Sarah" I reassured her. "I would never make a rash decision. Life is worth living, no matter what obstacles I have to face."
Sarah looked relieved. "Good. Now turn on the TV. The Bachelor is on."
**********
I went through the motions of going to class and working at Colette's the next few days, numb but grateful that the vision hadn't reoccurred. I forced myself not to stare at every blonde that crossed my path, searching their face to see if it was the one I had seen in my vision.
I was acutely aware of Simon's absence during this time. We had gone over to Grant and Marcus' place for pizza on Tuesday, but Simon had been absent. Grant had mentioned that Simon had a group meeting for one of his classes and I had just nodded my head, not wanting further explanation.
I had the distraction of preparing for the party on Saturday that would be a combination of Jenny's birthday and Halloween, with the celebration ending at the East End, where the Henchmen were playing a short set. Sarah debated making costumes mandatory for the party, but I revolted since I personally didn't want to wear one. Halloween seemed like an excuse for girls to dress in the least amount of clothes possible without having to worry about being branded a slut. It was as if the rules no longer applied on Halloween and people didn't look at you twice if you left the house in a bustier and short shorts that bared your cheeks. You were simply Superwoman.
On Thursday afternoon I was home alone while Sarah was in class. I was done with school for the day and feeling a little out of sorts when there was a knock at the door. I opened it, revealing Simon propping himself on the doorframe with an easy smile. I drank in the sight of him after being deprived for so many days. He was wearing his usual jeans with a grey t-shirt and his green coat. Simon's blue eyes looked clear and bright, like they had before our disastrous conversation Saturday night. My fingers itched to sweep back his dark hair brushing his forehead, and I clenched my fist to suppress the motion.
"Hi," I said cautiously, unsure of what the dynamics between us were going to be now.
"Hi," Simon parroted back to me, quirking his mouth. "Are you going to let me in?"
"Oh, sure," I said hastily, stepping back to let him in. I realized I had been standing there just gawking at him. He took off his coat and laid it on the recliner, taking a seat on the couch. I stood before him, stupidly not knowing what to do.
"Um," I said eloquently. "Did you need something?"
Simon looked up at me with an innocent grin. "I'm here to hang out with my friend."
"Okay," I replied slowly, not sure how to process his statement. I didn't understand what he was doing here, acting as if last Saturday had never happened.
"You said we would be friends, right?" Simon asked, raising an eyebrow. "Or are you already reneging on that?"
"No, no," I said quickly. "We're friends. I just-uh, didn't expect to see you today."
"You're done with your classes and you don't work today." This was a statement, not a question.
"How do you know?"
"I have my sources," Simon said, waggling his eyebrows. I laughed, relieved that it seemed like we had our easy camaraderie back. Maybe this friend thing could actually work. Simon seemed to have accepted it and moved past his prior interest.
"Okay. What do you want to do?"
"We could hang out here or go to a movie or something. But I'd prefer it if you came over to my place and put those kitchen gadgets to use." Simon looked at me endearingly and I couldn't find it in me to refuse. Besides, I had thought I would never see the inside of his apartment again, and it was a relief that Simon had reinserted himself back in my life.
"Sure, why not."
Simon jumped up and grabbed his coat. "Great! Let's go."
I slipped on my coat and we made our way to his apartment. We didn't talk on the short walk to his place. I didn't know what to say and Simon didn't feel the need to make conversation. I couldn't help giving him furtive sideway glances. It was hard for me to keep up with his mood shifts sometimes. Our conversation on Saturday had deeply unsettled me, but he seemed to be able to cast it off easily. I decided to take my cues from him and forget about what happened and simply accept him as a friend. If Simon could do that, so could I.
It was with newfound confidence that I stepped into his apartment. Simon took our coats and hung them in the front closet.
"So, what do you want to make today?" I asked, walking to his kitchen.