Seeing Shadows (Shadows 1)

"No problem," I said with a weak smile. I glanced at Samantha who was watching the exchange silently, narrowing her eyes at Claudia and then glancing at me when she saw Simon watching me.

"How are you feeling?" Concern clouded Claudia's eyes. "I heard you were feeling sick that night."

"Did you?" I asked, wondering if Simon had told her what exactly had happened. As much as he knew, anyway. But I didn't look in his direction.

"Yeah, Jenny said that you were having some kind of bad reaction to the alcohol you drank."

"Oh," I said dumbly, relieved that it didn't seem as though Simon had been telling Claudia things about me. "Yeah, I think I just drank too much." I paused, not knowing what else to say. "Well, it was nice meeting you. I'll see you guys later."

I was about to turn to make my escape when I saw something flicker in Claudia's eyes. It was just for a second, but it was enough for a chill to snake down my spine. Was it the vardoger? Had it taken over her body yet or was this one of the quick possessions to strengthen the connection? My breath grew shallow as I stared at her, watching for another flicker, for another indication that she was no longer the person she was supposed to be.

"Caitlin." Simon's voice broke through my trance. I shifted my eyes to him, not understanding the expression on his face. He looked like he was trying to catch every nuance of our stilted conversation. Simon's face looked coldly assessing which was at odds with the tinge of sadness I saw in his eyes. I then felt a fear that I would see a flicker in his eyes. A flicker of something that didn't belong inside of him. That was something I couldn't handle. I couldn't take any more of Invasion of the Body Snatchers this morning.

"I really have to go," I said hurriedly before Simon could say any more. I gave a weak smile and held my hand up in a feeble wave, rushing off in the opposite direction. I heard Simon call my name but I didn't care. I kept on walking, not paying attention to where I was going. Screw class. I kept walking blindly, unsuccessfully trying not to think about the flicker in Claudia's eyes. Or Simon and Claudia being together.

When I finally looked up, I found myself in front of Colette's. This was as good a place as any to be. It was better than going back to the apartment.

"What are you doing here?" Colleen asked from behind her register when I stepped inside.

"Geez," I said with exasperation. "Isn't anyone doing greetings today?"

Colleen arched a brow and I sighed. "I'm here to eat. I heard from a reliable authority that you guys serve food here."

Colleen shrugged and waved me over to a table. "By the way," she said as I passed by her. "You look like hell."

I grimaced at her lack of filter. I knew I looked like hell but I didn't need to hear it from other people.

"It's been a rough couple of days," I replied drily. "Actually make that a rough lifetime. That's why I'm here to console myself with blueberry pancakes."

"It's as good a remedy as anything else," Colleen said. "Well, besides a shot of whiskey."

I couldn't help but smile at her reply and slid into my seat. Emily came over to take my order and frowned when she got a good look at me.

"Are you okay, Caitlin?" she asked as her eyes looked me over. "You look like you haven't slept. And I heard you got sick on Saturday."

I suppressed my irritation. It wasn't Emily's fault that news of my mini freak-out had spread. She was just genuinely concerned.

"I'm okay," I said with a slight smile. "Just a rough night. Nothin

g that a stack of pancakes can't fix."

"Got it," she replied. I was grateful that she seemed to realize that I didn't feel like talking. "Coffee?"

"Yes, please."

I took my time with my coffee and pancakes, not sure what my next steps should be. What I had seen in Claudia's eyes today, as brief as it had been, pushed the doubt from my mind. Most of it, anyways. I had to make sure to protect myself from my vardoger before I even considered what I would do with my power. Although power didn't seem like the right word for it. Power made it sound like something positive. Curse was a better description.

I had to admit that the dominating thought was how to keep Simon safe. But I reasoned that I couldn't keep him safe if I couldn't keep myself safe. So I decided to fashion a necklace out of the iridium elephant tusks, as my aunt had directed.

After I was finished eating at Colette's, I wandered over to an arts and crafts store nearby. I had no idea how to make the tusks into a charm since I had no creative talents. A sales associate took pity on me and showed me the tools I needed after I described to her what I wanted to do.

Fortunately, I only needed a chain, a soldering iron and a couple of small metal hoops to attach to the tusks where the chain would run through. A soldering iron sounded intimidating and expensive, but I was relieved to find out that it was relatively cheap and the saleswoman cheerfully gave me a demonstration on how to use it.

I walked home clutching my purchases, telling myself that I should be proud that I was being proactive about the whole situation instead of being in denial. That didn't stop me from constantly whipping around to make sure no one was following me. Good ol' paranoia. Except now I wasn't sure if it was paranoia or a healthy fear.

I spent the afternoon with my project, cursing the sales associate that had made using the soldering iron look so easy. It was hard enough breaking the tusks off. Physically, they came off pretty easily after I smacked the elephant hard against the concrete steps outside. Emotionally, the thought of ruining the one object that made me feel connected to my mother pained me. But I figured it was better to be alive and feel pain than to not feel anything at all. I wondered if I would always think this way.

I was finally able to crudely put the pieces together and slip it onto the chain. I put it on and tucked it under my shirt. I wasn't sure if it was my imagination but I immediately felt calmer when I felt the cool metal against my chest. I had just finished cleaning up when Sarah came home.