Seeing Shadows (Shadows 1)

I opened one of my suitcases and fished out my toiletries as well as a fresh pair of jeans and a tank top. Claire was flipping through a magazine when I made my way into the bathroom. It was a relief to change into clothes that weren't sticking to me. It was even more of a relief to wash off the grime of traveling from my face and put on fresh make-up.

"Tada," I announced as I stepped out of the bathroom. "This is as good as it's going to get today, but at least I don't feel gross anymore."

"You look fine," Claire replied as she dropped the magazine and stood. She was wearing shorts that accentuated just how long her legs were and a cute little tee that looked like it was sized for a toddler. It was a good thing that Claire was such a nice girl. It could be easy to be jealous of someone so effortlessly gorgeous.

Claire took me to all her local haunts and she seemed to know everyone on a first name basis. She had that easy charm that made everyone want to smile and talk to her. Claire was a good guide, explaining the different neighborhoods in New York and showing me where all the important places were, like the nearest grocery store and pharmacy. It was exciting just to walk around and soak up the atmosphere. And the East Village had plenty of atmosphere. It was a little grittier and a little dirtier than the New York I had seen through Carrie Bradshaw's eyes, but it didn't make me love it any less.

We walked over to Union Square and wandered through the farmer's market, stopping to buy cups of cold apple cider to quench our thirst. We sat down on a bench to take a break and watch the people walking by.

"So how do you like your new neighborhood so far?" Claire asked, leaning back on the bench.

"I know I keep saying I love everything, but I do. I love it. It's so different from Maryland, or even D.C. It sounds clichéd, but it just seems so alive. I feel like I can be a different person here."

Claire raised her eyebrows. "What's wrong with the person you are now?"

I sighed as I thought it over. Claire's mother was friends with mine through some women's charity group back in Maryland, so I was sure Claire knew about the failed engagement. We both came from Merrittsville, a small town in Maryland, although we had never met growing up since Claire had gone to boarding school. In Merrittsville, my running off had apparently been breaking news.

"Well, you know about Sean and me, right?" I continued when Claire nodded. "It's not that I didn't love him. I did love him. I mean, I still do. It just wasn't the right kind of love. It wasn't the kind of love that made me excited to see him, the kind that made me miss him when we were apart. We were together since we were fifteen years old, and not once did I get butterflies around him. I mean, I liked Sean and I was attracted to him. I used to think that was enough. Now I know it isn't."

"Well..." Claire said, drawing out the word. "I can understand that. But what does that have to do with you being a different person?"

"The person that was resigned to living a life with no passion was boring. She followed all the rules, did all the right things. She almost got married to someone just because everyone expected it, including herself."

I turned to Claire. "I can't be that person anymore. I'm not sure who I'm going to be now, but I know I'm definitely not going to be her."

Claire gave me a small smile. "There's nothing wrong with trying to change things you don't like about yourself, but I don't think you need to wipe the slate clean. I know we've only talked on the phone a few times and we just met today, but the Emma Mills I know seems pretty okay."

I looked up at the trees overhead, the branches swaying with the slight breeze. I didn't want to be just pretty okay. I wanted to be someone that would make my mark in this world.

I laughed as I turned back to Claire, shaking off my serious thoughts. "Enough with all this heavy talk. You'd think I was going through an identity crisis or something. Tell me about you. You're in a Broadway show now, right?"

Claire gave a wry smile. "It's so off-Broadway that even saying it's off-off-Broadway would be a stretch. But it's a great role in a play about a woman who can't decide between two men in her life and how she figures out who to choose."

"And you play the woman?"

Claire nodded. "It's playing in a small theater not too far from our apartment. That's what I mean about it being so off-Broadway. You should come see it sometime. It runs every Friday and Saturday night."

"I'd love to come see it! My first show in New York!"

Claire laughed at my excited expression. "Don't get your hopes up. We don't come out singing and wearing cat masks."

I scrunched up my nose in protest. "I've never even seen Cats."

Claire took the last sip of her apple cider and crumpled up her cup. "What about you? When do you start your new job?"

"Tomorrow, bright and early," I groaned. I had tried to come a few days earlier, but my mother had insisted that I stay in Maryland until the last possible second. She feared that I was going to be raped and killed in some alleyway of New York. When I explained to her that New York didn't have any alleys, she had changed the scenario to a gutter. As a result, I didn’t leave until Sunday morning and now I only had one glorious afternoon and evening until Monday.

"Where's your office?"

"It's on Lexington and 45th," I answered. "Is that easy to get to from our place?"

"You're lucky. Since it's on the east side, you can just take the green line up."

I bit my lip as I thought about the complicated subway map I had perused for hours before. "I've mapped my route out already. I have it memorized since I obsessed about it so much. I'm just paranoid that I'll take the wrong subway and end up in Queens or something."

"Relax," Claire said laughing. "The subway system is super easy. I'll go over it with you later." She gave me a wink. "Queens isn't such a bad place to go anyways. It has some killer Indian food."

"I love Indian food." I frowned as I thought about it. "Actually, I love all food. That's the problem."