Simon stared at me for a few beats and I saw multiple expressions pass through his face. Regret was the most visible emotion and I was wondering why he had that odd expression when he suddenly grabbed my shoulders, pulling me towards him.
"Give me the coin, you bitch!" he screamed in my face, his complexion turning a mottled red from his rage.
I pushed at his chest frantically, realizing that Simon was no longer in control. His vardoger was. "Get the hell off me!"
Simon grinned widely as I struggled futilely. "Let's finish what we started earlier."
I beat at his chest in a frenzy, but he was too strong, pushing me hard against the car door. I forced myself to think, think! I knew I couldn't overtake him physically. I needed to defeat him with my powers.
I dropped the palladium coin instinctively, a gut feeling telling me that all I needed was the iridium around my neck. Simon didn't even notice that I dropped the coin, he was so intent on my struggles against him.
I placed my hands on his shoulders and concentrated, imagining my energy gathering, a flaming orb that would shoot through the vardoger, destroying it. I could feel my power mounting, the static almost palpable as the force of my energy increased. I couldn't hear anything except the rushing in my ears as the glowing sphere in my mind grew brighter, stronger. I was on the brink of hurtling it out towards Simon when I hesitated. I was scared. I had only destroyed vardogers that were detached from their people. I had never destroyed a vardoger that had already taken possession over their person. Simon, my Simon, was still in there somewhere. Would I destroy him as well?
He took advantage of my hesitation, slamming me against the car door so hard my teeth rattled. I stared into his blue eyes that were still just as beautiful, yet blazing with deadly intent.
"Simon, please," I whispered, praying that he could still hear me somehow. "Simon, push your vardoger back. Take control!"
Simon snarled, raising his hand, and I braced for impact. In the next second, his face became slack, his hands dropping limply by his sides.
"Caitlin?" he asked in a small voice, sounding lost.
"Thank God!" I cried, grabbing his hands. Simon pulled his hands out of my grip, shaking his head.
"No, no. Not again!" He was gripping his hair, looking frantic and wild-eyed.
"It's okay, Simon. You didn't hurt me. You took control before anything happened."
Simon turned away from me, bo
wing his head and leaning against the steering wheel, not looking at me. I watched him in silence, not knowing what to say. He had a death grip on the steering wheel, holding on so tightly that his knuckles were white, as if it was his only anchor in a world gone mad.
"Simon." I raised my hand to touch him but dropped it when he flinched violently, still not looking at me.
"Simon," I said again, this time louder with more authority. "Don't. You need to stop blaming yourself."
Simon sat up but he still didn't look at me. He started the car, easing back onto the road. His voiced was strained when he spoke. "Let's just get the hell out of here."
I was silent as Simon drove back to my father's house. He was making it clear that he didn't want to talk and I respected that he wanted some space for his own thoughts. He didn't even look at me when I picked up the palladium coin from the car floor. I wouldn't know what to say to him even if he wanted to talk, except to reassure him that it wasn't his fault, but he didn't seem to want to hear that. It didn't help that a part of me was scared of him.
My father's car was back in the driveway when we pulled up to the house and Simon let out an expletive.
"I need to try and talk to my father again. Now that I have proof my mother's body was never found, I'm not going to leave until he gives me some answers." I looked at Simon's hunched profile. "Maybe you should stay in the car. It could get...a little heated and it might be best if you're not involved."
Simon looked at me for the first time since we had left the bridge. His eyes were glittering with emotion. "There's no way in hell I'm letting you walk in there without me. And I swear to God, if he crosses the line I'm going to lay him out, father or no father."
I sighed, knowing there was no way to prevent Simon from coming inside, but the last thing I wanted was a physical altercation.
"Okay, you can come in. But please, no fighting. I need answers and that's not going to help me get them."
Simon's jaw hardened and he just looked at me, not agreeing to my request. I made a sound of frustration, grabbing my aunt's journal that I had brought with us, and getting out of the car. I heard Simon following me.
When we entered the house, my father called for me from the living room, surprising me. He was sitting on the sofa, looking much older than I had ever seen him.
"Sit down, Caitlin," he said wearily. He glanced at Simon, his expression darkening, but he didn't comment when Simon sat down next to me, grabbing my hand.
"Dad, about earlier—"
My father cut me off. "I want to apologize for what happened. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. It's just...your mother's death is so painful for me. I can't stand to talk about it."