I can't imagine my death
I can't imagine being here without you
You can't imagine your life beside me
If you only knew the things that you said
Were a stab to the heart
Did you care when I bled?
Will you care when I bleed?
If you cared for me
Would you lay me down?
Would you bare your soul?
Would I pierce your defenses?
It's just a stab to the heart
Over before it began
Did I care when you bled?
Will I care when you bleed?
>
My heart was pumping, blood rushing through my ears until it was all I could hear, the rest of the song fading into the background. I didn't understand their new song, but the line about a stab to the heart was reverberating in my head. I was convinced that Simon had written this song, since he had taken over composing songs for the Henchmen, but I couldn't come to terms with how morbid it was. How could he write a song about stabbing someone's heart when just a few weeks ago, he had done just that?
"Are you okay?" I turned to Sarah at her question, trying to get control of my breathing.
"Yes, I just...their new song..." I didn't know how to finish my sentence, not wanting to actually say my thoughts out loud. I wished I could see Simon but the crowd of people standing in front of our table blocked my view.
Sarah frowned, glancing over at Kendra and Jenny but they were busy talking. "It was a little...weird, after everything that's happened. Maybe it's Simon's way of processing through everything. You know what they say about musicians—being onstage is like therapy for them."
I nodded, telling myself that Sarah's explanation made sense. I just wished Simon had warned me. It had taken me completely off guard.
I was on edge as we waited for the boys to join us after they were done. I didn't know what I was going to say to Simon, to explain how much his song had bothered me.
Simon was all smiles when he dropped into the seat next to me, resting his arm on the back of my chair. Kendra immediately launched into a monologue about how amazing they were, and Simon patiently listened to her chatter while grazing his fingers back and forth on my arm. He was so close that I could feel the warmth radiating from his body, smell his cologne mixed in with sweat from being onstage. I should feel safe and content, Simon's arm protectively around me and surrounded by my friends. Instead, I felt agitated. Something didn't feel right but I couldn't put my finger on it.
"You guys were great," I said when Kendra finally paused to take a breath and was distracted by Jenny asking her a question.
"Thanks." Simon gave me a wolfish grin. "All I could think about was getting my hands on my friend Oscar." Simon glanced down at my shirt suggestively and I felt some of the tension drain from me as I laughed. I still asked the question.
"So...did you write that last song?"
Simon nodded, pausing to give Janice, the waitress, his drink order. He turned back to me with an expectant expression. "Did you like it?"
"Isn't it a little...ghoulish to sing about a stab to the heart after...after everything that's happened? What is that song even about?"
Simon studied me for a few beats before answering, his expression turning serious. "I'm sorry, I guess I never thought about it like that. I wrote that song a while ago, and I didn't think twice about it. It's just about two star-crossed lovers, nothing more."
I nodded, telling myself I was reading too much into it. I made a concerted effort to not think about anything serious for the rest of the night. Kendra made it easy with her lighthearted banter that made everyone laugh. Even the endless stream of fans, mostly female, that stopped by the table to gush over the Henchmen didn't bother me.