I was close to the edge of hysteria. It couldn't be true. I couldn't accept it.
"No! You said your vardoger disappeared!" I was openly sobbing, all my earlier bravado melting in the face of this cruel turn of events. I searched his face, looking for any sign of the Simon who had loved me so fiercely. "You said it left you the night Claudia was killed!"
Simon crouched in front of me, but there was no tenderness in his expression. Those blue eyes that had once looked at me so lovingly were glacial.
"There never was a Simon."
His words cut through my emotions that had been careening out of control. I stared at him, my mouth suddenly dry. "Wh-what?"
"Simon was gone before you met me."
I shook my head, rejecting his words. "No, that's not true! That's just your vardoger talking!" I was losing control as my world tilted on its axis until nothing made sense. I started sobbing again, but this time it was so violent that my body was shaking uncontrollably. All my hopes of escaping this nightmare collapsed along with his words.
No one spoke as I spiraled out of control. As the pain seared through my body, I heard a distant voice. A girlish voice.
Only you can help yourself. Allies are enemies and enemies are friends. The only one you can trust is yourself.
I didn't know if I was just remembering the words from when I was under, or if I was actually hearing them in my head. But they gave me the ability to grasp the last vestiges of my strength. This wasn't about me anymore. My chance for a happy ending was over. My only purpose now was to destroy as many vardogers as possible.
I looked up when my sobs had quieted. Simon was still crouched in front of me and I couldn't help but look for a glimmer of sympathy. But there was none.
He abruptly stood up and turned to Lenore. "How much longer do we have to wait until we can put her under hypnosis again?"
"It's hard to tell. I think it's advisable to wait until tomorrow so that she can get her full strength back. Then she'll be able to go fully under and we'll be able to maximize the amount she sees."
Simon sighed but nodded. My father stepped in between them and faced Simon.
"That's it? We're just going to wait until tomorrow? What the hell do we do until then? Twiddle our thumbs?" My father's mouth twisted. "While under hypnosis yesterday, she said she saw that there were some vardogers that weren't united in our efforts. That they were just pretending and were planning to work against us. Maybe you're one of them."
"Watch it." Simon's voice was low. "Don't forget I'm in charge. I've been lenient with how you've spoken to me during this charade to preserve the deception, but it's over now."
I was shocked when my father seemed to shrink at Simon's admonishment. Simon was in charge? How in the hell had this happened?
"Go track the other seers. I'll watch her."
My father and the three women slunk away and I heard them talking in the hallway. Simon looked at the two boys who lingered in the living room. "You too. I think I can handle one little seer on my own."
I studied Simon as I felt a surge of hope. Maybe this was all an act. Why else would he want to be alone with me?
Simon was silent until the others left the house. He sat on the couch opposite me and studied me, absentmindedly stroking his lower lip with his index finger. He looked so familiar, so much like the Simon I had fallen in love with. That couldn't have been just a figment of my imagination.
"Simon?" My voice wavered, sounding unsure. My hope was deflated when he shook his head.
"I guess that's a good enough name to call me as any, although technically I'm not Simon."
"I-I don't understand. When did you overtake him?"
"You only need to know that it was before I came to Maxwell."
All the physical pain I had endured was nothing compared to the emotional anguish as my heart was ripped apart. "That can't be true. You can't have pretended the entire time. It's not possible."
Simon raised an eyebrow. "Isn't it? Your father's vardoger has pretended to be him for most of your life. My deception should seem like child's play compared to that."
"But my father was cold and cruel to me. It's not that hard to accept that he was a vardoger all these years. But you..." I swallowed as memories of his warmth and tenderness rushed through me. "That can't have all been an act."
"You'd be surprised at what necessity can produce. I needed you to trust me, and the best way for that to happen was for you to fall in love with me. So I made it happen."
Simon's tone was flippant, as if he thought nothing of such a heartless and malicious action. I didn't want to believe it, but the person standing before me wasn't the Simon I knew. The fact that the person I had fallen in love with was nothing more than a facade almost debilitated me. I steeled myself, reminding myself that this was about more than me.