“Listen," he scolds, holding up his hand. "I’m only going to talk about this once and then it’s over...got it?”
I nod once.
“I gave my heart away a long time ago. That’s why it’s so easy to be with you—or anyone else I meet—without getting attached, because I don’t have a heart to give away. I don’t even know where my heart is right now; all I know is that she walked away with it and for the life of me, I can’t seem to get it back.”
Reaching out, I lock my hand around his forearm. “Do you want to tell me about her?”
“Nope,” he shakes his head. “But that’s why we work. Some day the ‘benefits’ portion of our friendship will end, and that’s okay. But until that day comes...” he trails off, wiggling his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.
“Down boy,” I chuckle, knowing good and well that he has just ended that conversation. Closing my eyes, I lean my head back on the couch, silently enjoying the camaraderie that Levi and I share. Finally able to relax, I allow myself to feel at peace, not knowing that what’s about to come out of Levi’s mouth is going to rock my world to its core.
“So...ummm...” Levi clears his throat and swallows hard. “I ran into Tyson before picking up Max. I, uh, I thought that you should know. He moved back home, Harley."
I inhale quickly, sitting up and locking my eyes onto Levi’s. My heart starts racing and a rush of adrenaline shoots through my body. I want to know everything. How did he look? Who was he with? Where was he? But mostly, I want to know if he asked about me. My questions remain trapped as my worried eyes search Levi’s face, trying to come to grips with what he just told me.
Tyson is home.
“HEY, BRO! I KNOW it’s been awhile since I’ve been by to see you...okay, it’s been five years and I feel horrible about that." With a deep breath, I resolve to say all of the things that I’ve had holed up in my damn head for the past five years.
“God, Dallas. I was so angry with you. Angry about the things you did. Angry about the things you didn’t do. Angry that you didn't try harder...for me.”
I begin pacing back and forth. Reaching up with my hands, I grip my hair
and tug roughly. My next words come out harsh and loud. “I fucking looked up to you, Dallas. You’re my big brother and I idolized you. Not only that, I defended you! When everyone else had something bad to say, I was the one sticking up for you. I was the one telling everyone how wrong they were.”
Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes. I’ve got to let this go. Sitting here and yelling at someone who can't yell back isn’t going to do a damn thing for anybody.
“So I ran into Levi a few nights ago," I breathe, trying to let go of my anger. "You remember Levi, don’t you? Anyway, I was walking into the grocery store and, lo and behold, there he was."
It took me all of about two seconds to feel like a complete idiot. Levi was one of my best friends for years. After Brit and I left for New York, Levi and I kept in contact fairly regularly, but the further I got into medical school, the harder it became to make time for anyone. Before I knew it, almost an entire year had passed and I hadn’t once talked to Levi or Cooper.
When I finally pulled my head out of my ass and called him, things were strained. He wanted to talk about Harley, and well...I didn't. But it wasn't because I didn't want to hear about her. Nope, it was the complete opposite. I wanted to know everything about her; I was just too chicken-shit to ask.
“You remember Harley, right? Of course you do,” I say, chuckling lightly to myself. “You had such a crush on her. I remember when she would come over, and you would always find a way to involve yourself in our conversations or our plans. You were so persistent, always trying to get her to go out with you. But she never would. She always told you that her dad wouldn’t let her date an older boy." I shake my head, smiling. "That was a freakin' lie."
Sitting down, I take off my jacket and lay it on the soft green grass. I lie back, folding my arms under my head and close my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I allow myself to be sucked in by the memories.
“I never told you, but Harley and I got into a huge fight our junior year of high school. I told her that she was being stupid and she should give you a chance. That maybe you guys would hit it off. But she wouldn’t do it. She always said that if something went south with the two of you, that it would put me in a bad spot and she wasn’t willing to risk losing our friendship.”
Harley.
God, I miss her.
I was a terrible friend. I'll never forget the look on her face the night I walked away from her. Her tears and the sound of her voice as she begged me to stay are forever burned into my brain.
But walking away from her that night isn’t my biggest regret. My biggest regret is never making it right. Those first two days after our big fight, my phone was inundated with texts and voicemails from Levi, Quinn, and even Harley’s mom. When Harley started calling, that’s when I turned off my phone and left it off.
At the time, I hadn’t been ready to talk to her, or anyone else for that matter. I was simply trying to absorb what Harley’s confession meant for me...for us...for Brit. My plan had been to make the move to New York, allow things to calm down, and then reach out to Harley. But that never happened.
The day after I walked away from her, Brit and I began packing for New York. Then, before I knew it, it was time to leave. The move and subsequent unpacking kept me busy, and before I knew it, two weeks had passed. When I finally took the time to listen to the voicemails on my phone, I discovered that they were mostly from Levi and Quinn. Harley had only left one. It's still saved in my phone.
“Tyson (sniff, sniff), please talk to me (sniff).” Her voice had been low and gravelly, most likely raw from crying. “Something happened and I—I need you. Please, Ty. I know I messed up. I know I put you in a bad spot and I would give anything—anything—to fix this, but that’s not why I’m calling." She pauses, sobbing into the phone. "Please. I need you to call me, Ty. Please."
I never called her back.
Two weeks had already passed, and I had no clue what to say to Harley. Then, shortly after listening to her voicemail, I got the call about Dallas. That call fucking destroyed me.
Closing my eyes, I reach out with my right hand, allowing my fingers to graze over the lettering on the cool marble.