A Lover's Lament

“I think Maggie and I are going to be great friends.”

“I’ll tell her you said that.” Wiping the wetness from my face, I pull the angel hair pasta from the cupboard.

“And you … were you enamored with my chiseled abs?” I smile, picturing Devin with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Nah. Your abs could use some work, if you ask me,” I joke.

Devin’s laugh is deep and throaty, and it does things to me that a laugh should never be able to do to someone. It’s quickly becoming my favorite sound. “I’ll have to remember to do an extra set of sit-ups tomorrow.”

“Your smile.”

“Huh?”

“It was your smile that got to me.” Without permission, my mouth continues to spew exactly what’s running through my head. “I miss seeing the way it lit up your face. And that dimple in your left cheek … I shouldn’t be surprised that it’s just as sexy now as it was then.”

He sucks in a sharp breath at my confession. Then the line goes quiet, and I can’t help but think that I’m crazy for opening my mouth and saying those things. What the hell was I thinking?

“How are you, Katie?” Devin’s voice is infused with so much emotion. I take a deep breath, thankful that we’re finally getting the chance to talk while simultaneously trying not to dwell on the fact that he didn’t mention what he thought about me. I know I don’t look the same. What if he doesn’t find me attractive anymore?

“Good,” I answer honestly. I drop the pasta into the near boiling pot of water. “I’m good. I had a session with Dr. Perry tonight, and I told her that I think I’m ready to read Andrew Drexler’s letter.”

“Wow,” he breathes. “That’s a huge step. But you’re strong, and if anyone can do it, I know you can. I’m so proud of you.”

Hearing him tell me that he’s proud of me gives me an enormous amount of confidence, but it also makes me nervous. “I don’t know if I can forgive him.”

Closing my eyes, I conjure up a vision of my dad. He’s smiling, his round cheeks red from laughter, and I wonder what he would want me to do. “He’d want me to forgive him,” I murmur, quickly repeating those words as they sink in. “Daddy would want me to forgive him.”

“One step at a time, that’s all you can do. Read the letter first, listen to what he has to say and then go from there. You don’t have to forgive him right away—or at all, for that matter—but at least you’re taking that step. Just remember you’re taking that step for you, and no one else.”

“Wait a minute … is this Dr. Perry?” I quip. “No really, what did you do with her?”

“Ha ha.”

The faint sound of water sizzling catches my attention, so I open my eyes and whip around. “Shit.” Quickly, I turn the temperature of the stovetop down and blow across the top of the steaming water until it stops boiling over.

“Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?”

“No, I’m fine. Just a little cooking mishap. And in case you’re wondering, no, I’m not a better cook now than I was before you left.”

“Duly noted.” Devin yawns through the line and I look at my watch. Six forty-five. I wonder what time it is where he’s at. “What are you cooking?”

“Do you really want me to tell you?” I ask. “Is it going to make you dream of food?”

“Tell me, woman. Let me live vicariously through you.”

“Okay,” I drawl. “Wait for it … wait for it … spaghetti!”

“Mmmm.” Devin moans, deep and long. The vibration in his voice slams into me like a tidal wave. Desire pools low in my belly, and a vision of the two of us naked and writhing in bed flashes through my head.

“That’s sounds so good,” he says.

“It—” My voice squeaks and I clear my throat, thankful when the words come out right the second time around. “It is. It’s become my specialty.”

“Oh yeah? What’s your secret?”

“Well, if I told ya, I’d have to kill ya.”

“Wow, now I’m dying to know.”